My Attraction to children

[no_chomo]

The Jared thread got me thinking that maybe I should share my perspective as someone who is attracted to children, because many people just can't wrap their heads around it and maybe this will be helpful in some way.

First of all, yes I am a regular poster here, but this is something that isn't easy to admit, plus I don't necessarily want this easily Googled if someone knows my regular username, which I use elsewhere. If I used a unique name here I would just use my regular account because I don't think this should be a secret from you guys. But anyway, if you figure out who I am, please keep it to yourself is all I ask.

So first off let me say that yes I am attracted to children. No I have not acted on this attraction, and I believe child abuse is wrong, children can't consent to sex, and child porn is wrong too (when such porn involves sexual exploitation of real children, more on this later). Jared and others of his ilk are scumbags. Full stop.

Now, as far as my attraction goes, I am mostly attracted to the 12 or older crowd, which is technically different than pedophilia, but still clearly an unhealthy attraction to have. This is something out of my control. I don't go lusting after children on purpose. In the same way you might see a hot 20 something blonde bombshell/dude in the grocery store and let your gaze linger a little too long because you get turned on, the same feeling happens to me with certain children I see. It's an unconscious thing, and I do my best to push those thoughts away and get on with my day, in the same way a married woman would push lustful thoughts about a hot waiter out of her head because she knows they aren't good feelings to dwell on (in this a case for the sake of her spouse). I am also attracted to people my age and older, so I have it easier than a hypothetical person only attracted to children. I am not sure such people exist.

On the topic of getting counseling, I have done so in the past. I saw a counselor over a period of a year or so, and finally got the courage to bring this up. It was a devastating experience that made me feel like I could never talk about it again. I didn't find it helpful at all, and frankly it was obvious that getting real help for my problem was going to be very difficult. Even my counselor who I had built up a good relationship with nearly had to end our confidentiality because I admitted to viewing CP in the past, when I was a teen. It didn't matter that I was a minor then, it is still against the law and something counselors have to report. But he didn't report me because I told him it was in the past and I hadn't looked at anything like that in years. Afterwards though, I was very nervous about talking about my problem anymore; I felt like I was on the verge of ruining my whole life.

For a while I hoped I would grow out of it, as I was a young adult when I did the counseling. It is now many years later and I have realized that this is an ongoing problem for me, and will be for the rest of my life. So how do I deal with it?

Well first of all, it's not like I am only attracted to children, so I can have normal romantic and sexual relationships. The next part is going to be controversial, and the part that grosses people out. A long time ago, I discovered artwork, drawn/animated depictions of young children having sex. I also discovered written erotica that involves children. I use these forms of porn on occasion to fulfill that fantasy I have, without actually harming any children by involving them in CP.

I also, sometimes, find pictures of real children online to fantasize about, but I must stress that these are not exploitative photos, they are just images that come up in a regular image search by typing in key words. They are definitely not CP, just photos of kids playing, swimming, etc. I know that this will probably upset a lot of people, reading about someone admitting that they jack off to otherwise innocent pictures of children, and I understand that. I just hope that everyone reading this will understand that it is a safe way for me to engage in my sexual interests without hurting children by looking at CP or actually molesting children. Anyway, I typically prefer the drawn porn and only uncommonly look at regular photos of real kids.

I know there are a lot of people who think even the drawn/animated/written porn depicting children should be illegal, because it encourages the attraction and may lead to actual abuse. I ask those people to think about other simulated crimes, such as simulated rape, murder, etc in media, cinema, and video games. Surely we shouldn't outlaw simulations/depictions of everything that is illegal just because it may lead to someone doing the real thing, should we? I know of people who admit to liking rape fantasies even though they would never want to actually rape someone or be raped. I just ask that people keep laws restricted to things that actually cause harm, and not start outlawing things that could possibly lead to other crimes.

In closing, thanks for your time reading my perspective. If you have questions or comments for me I will read and respond to them.

[Senpai]

I find it very brave of you to admit this on a public forum. As someone who is underage and I suppose would be considered a 'child', I of course find the sexualization of younger peoples to be quite wrong, however the fact that you understand it's wrong and that you don't act upon it is quite commendable. So, so many people out there have the same problem as you and actually seek out illegal and quite disgusting means of seeking satisfaction.

Personally, I don't have a problem with the drawn/written/animated stuff, as long as the characters depicted aren't real people. I really enjoyed reading your perspective and outlook on the issue of child sexualization. No one's perfect, and people like you give me newfound hope that more and more people follow your example and seek better means to deal with such an issue. Thank you very much!

[Jaglavak]

Contrary to what the shrinks will say, not everything has to be shared. It is perfectly fine not to talk about some stuff, and boy howdy does this ever qualify. Just keep it on an even keel and stay the hell away from kids always and everywhere.

[Detroit Hoser]

Seriously. Don't talk to them on message boards, either, especially this one.

[no_chomo]

@Senpai, thanks for your understanding. No need to thank me for anything though. Just a guy with a problem who does his best to deal with it.

@Jaglavak, sorry you feel I would have been better off not sharing this. I agree not everything needs to be shared, but I was hoping to show people that there are people who have this disorder and successfully manage it. I hope I haven't upset you too much. As to your last point, it's not realistic for me to live my life without any contact with children, and besides, it's an ignorant thing to say. For one, it implies I am attracted to all children; I'm not. Second, it implies that I have no self control; I do. Obviously I'm not going to put myself in a situation where I would be likely to do something wrong, and I'm not going to seek out children in any fashion. For example, good advice to give to someone who is tempted to cheat on their spouse wouldn't include no contact with preferred gender whatsoever, but would include not allowing themselves to get into a likely situation where cheating could occur.

@Detroit Hoser, you're one of my favorite posters. Please understand that just because I have an attraction to children doesn't mean I go out of my way to chat with them here or anywhere else. I don't. The only kids I interact with are those that are family or related to friends, and I am never in a situation where I am tempted to act on my mental disorder.

I expect lots of negative comments because I recognize how disgusting my disorder is to people. It is very difficult to live with, and it is certainly easier for me not to have said anything. I hope this is worth it in some way in the end. Sorry to those who I have offended.

[eleanorigby]

On the contrary, it should not be difficult to live with because you are more than the sum of your hardwired nervous system and biochemistry--unless we begin to see such attraction as a mental illness instead of an amoral, malicious choice on the part of those who choose this behavior or advocate for it. And then, what treatment will be given for this? I don't know--medicine hasn't gotten that far as yet.

I have never understood this premise of "I'm hopeless and helpless in the face of my sexual desires and impulses". This is nonsense (and I am NOT talking here of homosexuality, but of specific objects of attraction.Pedophilia and pederasty cannot be equated with homosexuality, despite the homophobes traditionally claiming this stance).
Much of what drives fetish and attraction is reinforced deliberately--it's learned, therefore it can be altered (unlearned and relearned). I do not say this is easy, but it rids this topic of this passivity of "I just can't help myself", which is both irresponsible and dangerous. The children are not to blame for your warped perception of them. The person who needs to change is you.

And there is this: I think you are advocating for pederasty in a passive-aggressive way in bidding for sympathy here (which, no matter how you dress it up, is what you are doing). I do not feel sympathy for you, nor do I pity you. I don't find you "brave" for opening up here about this; using a sock to admit this (which did not need to be admitted at all) only compounds the issue.Talking of it anonymously to a non-treatment centered message board solves nothing, proves nothing.

Which is not the same as me saying it shouldn't be talked of. It should be, but with medical professionals experienced in such matters. Society must have this criminalized due to the harm it causes to the most vulnerable (truly victims), but doing so does make it very hard for it to be researched and treated. Knowing what little I know of the effects of child porn and sexual abuse--how the legacy continues for generations afterwards--I cannot say that your "right" to an orgasm tops the rights of everyone else to lead healthy, normal lives. If anything, it is the consummately most selfish act any human can make on another (except murder): to put your (extremely) short-term gratification above the well-being of a child.

You completely lost me when you say you still indulge in erotica etc. This does nothing but reinforce the attraction, and eventually, you WILL want more, that's just human nature. And the tragic fact that most pedophiles and pederasts prey on family members does not help your "cause" in the slightest: I, for one, am not comforted by the fact that you only interact with younger family members.

I wish you no ill will, I don't think you're evil or deserve killing. I do think you are trying to use the message board as a sounding board for exploring rationales for yourself: you want our approval, dressed as understanding, sympathy, and "tolerance". I cannot speak for others here, but I will not be used so. I think Jag has it right. I truly hope you find your way, but continuing to behave the same way and expect different results is not the answer, nor is asking us to collude, under the guise of "helping shed some light".

[Marmalade]

Originally Posted by no_chomo

I also, sometimes, find pictures of real children online to fantasize about, but I must stress that these are not exploitative photos, they are just images that come up in a regular image search by typing in key words. They are definitely not CP, just photos of kids playing, swimming, etc. I know that this will probably upset a lot of people, reading about someone admitting that they jack off to otherwise innocent pictures of children, and I understand that. I just hope that everyone reading this will understand that it is a safe way for me to engage in my sexual interests without hurting children by looking at CP or actually molesting children.

Jesus mother of fuck, this makes me want to throw up stuff I ate last year. I have a nephew and nieces. My boyfriend has 2 kids from his (ex) marriage. I have friends and coworkers who have kids; my best friend is a preschool teacher. Most of them have Facebook pages full of pictures of their kids in their baseball uniforms and up to their eyeballs in chocolate sundaes and doing other kid stuff, and now those happy fun pictures have the spectre of some random dude flogging the bishop looming over them.

It doesn't matter that they're not specifically pornographic images (well, I guess it's safer for you to google "kids playing" rather than "PRIMAL TWEENAGE HAWTT FUCKARAMA!!!" so hurray?) because that's exactly how you're using them.

You searched for them. Deliberately. So that you could wax the surfboard while looking at a picture of a child. Suzie in the kiddy pool isn't someone's child having fun, she's your latest crunchy sock. God willing she'll never know.

I know there are a lot of people who think even the drawn/animated/written porn depicting children should be illegal, because it encourages the attraction and may lead to actual abuse. I ask those people to think about other simulated crimes, such as simulated rape, murder, etc in media, cinema, and video games. Surely we shouldn't outlaw simulations/depictions of everything that is illegal just because it may lead to someone doing the real thing, should we?

I wish I had a nickel for every time I've seen this argument trotted out in an attempt to excuse dodgy behavior. The purpose of depicting violent crime in fiction (be it books, movies, games or whatever) is to evoke a feeling, whether it's to sympathise with the protagonist's pain, reinforce the cruelty of the villain, or, hell, make you think blowing the heads off space aliens is fun after a bad day at work. It can set up the hero's motive ("you raped my daughter! I'll have my revenge!") or downfall ("you murdered him in cold blood. You're no better than he was.") It sets up tension and conflict and brings a sense of urgency. It's NOT to cater to the tiny minority who see bloodspray or rape and get all happy in their no-no parts.

I guess one could make the argument that written/drawn child porn is just more of the same. Only in that case I'm not convinced, and never will be, that its main audience isn't folks like yourself looking to punch the munchkin/ flick the bean.

Please don't tell me you're sorry I feel this way. I'm not sorry I feel this way. You don't get to play the wounded innocence card after someone is ooged out by something you intentionally posted knowing full well it's oogy.

[TheChileanBlob]

Thank god the rest of you assholes only have socially acceptable fetishes. Nice how everyone deserves compassion and understanding except for this one specific thing. Pedo guy, you're obviously just an evil person who deliberately chose this attraction just to be a predator. You should never unburden yourself to a professional; it might make them feel "oogy."

[Solfy]

I think it's unfortunate that your experience seeking counseling was so negative, and I'd encourage you to try again. Many people have encountered counselors who didn't mesh with them, or who weren't equipped with the skills to assist them with their particular problem. That doesn't mean that counseling does not or can not work, it only means you didn't find the right counselor.

I had a relative all jumpy about digital cameras when they became popular on the grounds that (normal, innocent, fully-clothed) photos of her kids could find their way to the internet and be used exactly as you define. As much as I dislike the thought of anyone using a vacation snapshot of my kid as fantasy fodder, I also recognize that the only way to stop people from adding my child to a spank bank is to keep them 100% out of public view. They could become someone's masturbation fuel just by accompanying me to the grocery store. Someone could take their picture while we're standing roadside watching a parade, go home, and wank away. I can't stop people from doing that, but I don't want/need to be aware of it. I acknowledge that such behavior does no direct harm to my kids, and that I'm not a mental health professional, but I would think such behavior is reinforcing more than it is a safety release valve.

[Pere]

I think this goes beyond social unacceptability. Lots of things may be socially unacceptable, in the sense of being unpopular, embarassing or icky to many--but, carried to fruition, they still don't hurt people.

"Pedo guy" (if it is a guy; I don't see that confirmed--and assuming this is true) may not be evil, and I'm sure did not choose this, but that doesn't mean that it's not wrong.

[Detroit Hoser]

Originally Posted by no_chomo

@Detroit Hoser, you're one of my favorite posters. Please understand that just because I have an attraction to children doesn't mean I go out of my way to chat with them here or anywhere else. I don't. The only kids I interact with are those that are family or related to friends, and I am never in a situation where I am tempted to act on my mental disorder.

Okay, if that's the case this is a good thing. But look, what concerns me about this board in particular is an ongoing thread about a children's show that stars and targets children of the age to which you say you're attracted. I think threads like that could be very enticing to you and while I trust you when you say you'd never be tempted to act impulsively, it might be like putting a glass of Johnny Walker in front of an alcoholic. I'm urging you to stay completely away from any threads like that. It may not "harm" anyone but it will certainly do no good for anyone, either. It's on you to go above and beyond here.

Good luck on getting well, seriously.

[Mr. Plumbean]

Dude can't have an easy time of it. And while I agree this isn't the best place for the discussion, it's better than 8 chan. NC, I think you need to try again with professional help, maybe someone who specializes in this area.

[no_chomo]

@eleanorigby, I don't think there's anything I can say to reassure you, because it seems you have made up your mind on my motivations. I didn't intend to manipulate you or anyone else here. I apologize to you for making you feel that way. Thank you for your point of view and your comments. I fully agree that I am not helpless, and work hard to manage my problem while being a contributing member to society.

@Marmalade, thanks for your input and perspective. I did not intend to put words in your mouth and imply that you should feel sorry about the way you feel. Your opinions are valid and your feelings are genuine. I'm glad that you didn't hold back in your words. Thanks once again for sharing your opinion with me.

@TheChileanBlob, I don't think it's quite accurate to equate attraction to children with just any fetish, but I get your point. There are faults and imperfections in all of us. That being said, attraction to children is a far greater fault than most people have. Most fetishes can be carried out legally between consenting adults, but obviously this one cannot.

@Solfy, I don't think even the professionals all agree on what the best treatment is fire people who are attracted to children. Some believe that it is a healthy release valve, and others believe it is just playing with fire and will lead to eventual, actual abuse. I have tried both methods, and all I can say is that for me personally, it helps and reduces the urge to abuse children. I will also consider seriously going to counseling again. Thanks for that advice.

@Pere, I agree that attraction to children is not just an undesirable trait, but a true disorder that leads to real harm. We should not downplay it at all. I am not asking for acceptance here, I don't want it. Attraction to children shouldn't be accepted.

@detroit_hoser, I agree 100% with your alcohol analogy. And I avoid those exact types of situations. Thank you for wishing me well. Maybe someday these attractions will go away. I would like very much to not have these attractions. I already feel like they aren't as strong as they used to be, and I think a lot of this has to do with how I deal with it now.

[Colonel Plink]

If it's okay for the OP to post his thoughts and rationalizations to this morally and intellectually evolved bunch, then is should be okay for me to hope he steps in front of a speeding bus, right?

[Solfy]

Originally Posted by Colonel Plink

If it's okay for the OP to post his thoughts and rationalizations to this morally and intellectually evolved bunch, then is should be okay for me to hope he steps in front of a speeding bus, right?

Sure. It's your opinion and you're entitled to it.

I don't mean to put words in the OP's mouth, but I feel like the point of this thread isn't so much to make us sympathetic or to condone the urges/behaviors, but to close the gap between "normal, upstanding citizens" and "disgusting pedophile monsters who should all die."

It's easy to read about Jared in the news and say, "Tsk tsk, what an awful person. He and everyone like him should be taken out back and shot." It reinforces the "us vs. them" mentality and reduces a person down to one unfortunate aspect of their personality. Then you can pat yourself on the back as being against pedophilia and go about your day. But what if you found out that your next door neighbor who you've had beers with while watching baseball on the back patio and seems like a nice person, or the coworker in the next cubicle who you eat lunch with most days, lives with an unhealthy attraction like this? I'm sure you'd never think the same way about that person again, but would you wish death on them? I recognize the answer may still be "yes," but I think it's useful to recognize that all sorts of people struggle with all sorts of things, some more successfully than others. Humanity is messy and sometimes really ugly on the dark side. Awareness that pedophiles walk amongst us, like it or not, is an important part of keeping kids safe.

One thing this thread shows me is how difficult it can be to reach out for help if you do have these wrong urges. How do you tell someone, "I have this attraction and I need help," without them at least suspecting that you've acted on it? So people sweep their thoughts/feelings under the rug (obviously some more successfully than others) and don't get the professional help that could potentially reduce incidences of child abuse. Put yourself in the shoes of an adolescent recognizing they have these attractions, hearing about Jared, about how all pedophiles couldn't/didn't stop themselves and how they should all be hit by a bus. Would your inclination be to believe you can be helped and seek assistance, or to do everything in your power to keep your secret and hope you can manage it on your own?

Outrage at pedophilia is natural, and I'm not suggesting it's misplaced, but it falls short of being what society needs to stop child abuse. It's more constructive to not only say "Pedophilia is wrong," but also, "and here's how to deal with it in a way that protects children." If a general discussion board isn't a suitable place to raise public awareness, I'm not sure what is.

[Mr. Plumbean]

Good post Solfy.

[Anacanapuna]

Originally Posted by Solfy

(snip) But what if you found out that your next door neighbor who you've had beers with while watching baseball on the back patio and seems like a nice person, or the coworker in the next cubicle who you eat lunch with most days, lives with an unhealthy attraction like this? I'm sure you'd never think the same way about that person again, but would you wish death on them?

What if it was your brother?

[no_chomo]

@colonel_plink, you wouldn't be the only one who feels that way. I often think that my death wouldn't be such a bad thing for the world (I'm not suicidal). Overall I feel like a positive, contributing member of society, but it would be one solution that would ensure nothing bad ever happens to a child because of me.

@Solfy, your post makes very good points and I agree with most of it. When I decided to post this thread I didn't have the intention of humanizing this disorder, or closing the gap as you put it. But I do think that's one thing that may come out of this discussion. I have plenty of friends, coworkers, and family members who are proud of me and think I am a good person who lives a good life. If they knew this about me, maybe that would all change. I don't know. But I'm willing to bet there are others like me who are in everyone's lives who deal with unhealthy attractions, and live otherwise good lives to be proud of. But I don't think that it means we should accept this disorder as long as people live overall good lives. It's still a problem that needs to be treated/controlled/cured. Because of the limits of medicine, sometimes all we can do for certain problems is control and maintain them. That's what I have worked my whole life to do, and so far have been successful as an adult, and I trule believe I can continue to be an upstanding member of my community despite my disorder.

And for those who are curious, the counselor who worked with me in the past said I didn't have pedophilia, but rather hebephilia and ephebophilia. Not that those are any better or healthier, but it is a different condition.

[Solfy]

Originally Posted by Anacanapuna

What if it was your brother?

I love my brother unconditionally. If I knew he had such urges, I would never leave him alone with my children, in the same way that I wouldn't give an alcoholic brother a bottle of scotch for Christmas. I would still love my brother, and I would urge him to seek help.

[Colonel Plink]

Originally Posted by Anacanapuna

What if it was your brother?

Most days, I can control my hate. Some days I don't even feel hate.

But I've never acted on it, so it's okay.

To answer both of you...
I don't know that I'd feel differently in those cases.

So let's just don't count on it.

[Andrew Jackson's Hair]

OP how do you feel about being chemically neutered?

I ask because I agree that this is a biological thing, and accordingly it arguably can't be treated with chitchat therapy.

So if you could chemically neuter yourself and not ever threaten a child or use kid porn again, would you? If you could take a time machine back a few hundred years and get yourself plenty of juvie trim, would you? Do you go to Mexico alot?

[no_chomo]

@Solfy, you bring up a good point that you wouldn't leave your children with your brother because it would be unsafe for your children, or at the very least a terrible temptation for your brother that would be rather unfair to expect him to deal with. Here are a few things to consider. There have been times in my life where I was left alone with children by family and such. Most of the time it is a non issue for me because I am not attracted to all children, especially not those related to me. For a few years my father dated a woman who had a child that I had to deal with, and it was difficult. I didn't have the guts to tell anyone about what I was dealing with,and the risk her child was exposed to was unfair. I should have found some excuses at the very least to try and limit my exposure, especially when no one else was around. But it's very difficult to try and explain that you don't want to be left alone with a child, especially if it's not just a one time thing you can make an excuse to get out of. Nothing ever happened. I know the right thing to do would be to tell someone I can't be left alone with their child, if that situation ever comes up again. Luckily it probably won't.

Another thing that torments me is that I would really like to raise children someday with my spouse. But obviously that's not a good idea if it puts them at risk for abuse. It's something that really bothers me because I think I could be a great parent if I didn't have this disorder.

[Nonny J. Nonnington III]

I hope that this doesn't come off sounding like a jerk; that's not the way I want to be perceived.

But I'm kinda with jag on this one. This is an incredibly disturbing subject for a lot of us, especially if we have young family members and automatically start to think of them being exploited or even desired. Just understand that most people can't possibly comprehend your feelings. Even after reading your post, I may know what you feel, but I can't know why. And don't want to. Yeah, it's a bit sticking my head in the sand, but the less I know the better I feel.

I appreciate your confronting this and trying to find a way to deal with it. But I don't think that we are your support group for something as complicated as this, and we are not trained counselors. Definitely find a counselor that can help you. Are there groups that can help with this?

You don't have to reply - I won't be checking back in.

[no_chomo]

@Andrew_Jackson's_hair, I would consider it. I think it would be worth it in the long run, even though it would ruin my healthy love life. My spouse would have to a prove and agree with the decision. No I would not travel back in time to abuse children. Societal norms and laws are not what keep me from abusing children. My own sense of right and wrong do that. No I don't make trips to places where it would be easy to act on my attractions. For same reasons.

[JimNightshade]

I was about to make some short, offending remark, no_chomo - my initial reaction to this shit is like with cesario or whatever his name was.

But you have put in a lot of words, the thread has grown, you claim to be one of us (tm) and I am sure it took quite a bit for you to post this. I admire your honesty and, I guess, bravery, should you be an honest soul.

So I will read your story, and perhaps comment further. It is not easy for some of us to even make the effort to start reading screeds like this, you dig? My immediate reaction (and I guess others), is disgust.

But on the off chance that you are in fact human, I will give you the benefit of doubt.

For now.

[no_chomo]

@nonny_j._nonnington_III, even though you won't be reading this, perhaps others may want to know how I would respond to your post, so I will.

I do not expect our want a support group from this message board. That wasn't the intent of starting this thread. I know that medical help has to come from professionals. I'm not sharing this to make myself feel better or deal with my problem.

I don't even know why I have these feelings. So I don't expect anyone else to know why either. I don't expect anyone to understand these feelings. In the same way I can't understand the thought processes of someone who would shoot up a movie theater (or even someone who just fantasized about murdering people).

I will look into support. In the past, me searches have not been fruitful.

[Solfy]

Originally Posted by no_chomo

Another thing that torments me is that I would really like to raise children someday with my spouse. But obviously that's not a good idea if it puts them at risk for abuse. It's something that really bothers me because I think I could be a great parent if I didn't have this disorder.

My first thought on reading this was, "I'm attracted to men, but I wouldn't be attracted to a grown man who was my son." But then I thought about the other situations parenting entails, like being responsible for the safety of other people's children when they're at my house playing with my kids. I wouldn't want my child to have a sleepover at a friend's house where the father was a pedophile.

What's scarier when you think about it is that I can't know that I haven't done so already - you meet the kid's parents, you hope you can trust them, and you teach your children how to deal with attempted abuse. But you can't keep them 100% safe.

So from that perspective, it probably is best for you not to have kids.

[Checkered Wreckurd]

It's a shame in our society that mandatory reporting laws discourage a person from seeking help. We certainly wouldn't want to help a person who hasn't hurt anyone yet. What a shame.
Yes, a person who tells his therapist that he's hurt someone should be reported for everyone's sake. But someone who simply feels drawn to something they want to correct should never be discouraged from seeking help.

[Glazer]

I think you are doing a disservice to the members of this board by posting anonymously. I like most of the members here. And now I'm going to be wondering which of my friends you are. And I hope to god nobody thinks I'm you.

ETA: If you can't post something in the clear maybe it shouldn't be posted.

[JackieLikesVariety]

I don't know what to say about the OP, I think people can talk about anything but maybe only in theory... turns out this is something I didn't want to hear about.

I do think you should try finding another therapist but I recognize it wouldn't be easy.

Nice posts, Solfy.

[eleanorigby]

I think one of the worst things is we (society) don't even know what truly causes this. Most child molesters were molested themselves, which demonstrates a learned behavior, not an innate chemical imbalance or genetic predisposition (or does it? Stress reactions +/- genetics could cause a chemical imbalance that predisposes a person to such urges after experiencing molestation themselves.... maybe). I dunno.

I completely agree that people who confess to this proclivity should be able to seek help, but I also cannot fault those among us (including me) for showing our abhorrence.

I have to disagree with Solfy, a poster I admire and like, in that I do see this OP as attempting to garner sympathy for himself. He may also be attempting to humanize a monster, but by sticking to the personal, he isn't really speaking for all child molesters. Therefore, IMO, he is only attempting to soften a hard line for himself. Hope that makes sense. It's late (for me) and I'm tired.

Anyway, I don't want to tar and feather him, as I hope my post made clear. I want him to seek out help, to stop indulging in behavior he is well aware reinforces the craving. Again, I hope he finds his way, but as with so much in life, good wishes can only go so far.

[Anacanapuna]

Originally Posted by Colonel Plink

Most days, I can control my hate. Some days I don't even feel hate.

But I've never acted on it, so it's okay.

To answer both of you...
I don't know that I'd feel differently in those cases.

So let's just don't count on it.

I can always count on you for a starkly honest answer. You are one of the most pure-hearted men I know. I am proud to say I know you, honored to be your friend, blessed to be your brother.

[Marmalade]

Originally Posted by TheChileanBlob

Thank god the rest of you assholes only have socially acceptable fetishes. Nice how everyone deserves compassion and understanding except for this one specific thing. Pedo guy, you're obviously just an evil person who deliberately chose this attraction just to be a predator. You should never unburden yourself to a professional; it might make them feel "oogy."

Speaking of putting words in peoples' mouths...

Yes. I do thank god that this isn't my cross to bear because I wouldn't know how to deal with it myself. I never called no chomo evil or said he chose to be attracted to children, nor did I ever say he was beyond help.

I'm not going to apologize for being grossed out by his post. I daresay there's just a teeny-tiny itty-bitty difference between me, Jane Nobody from the internet, and a qualified therapist whose job it is to aid those seeking help with inappropriate sexual urges.

However, I do wish I had waited to reply until I could consider the issue more dispassionately, or failing that just closed the tab. That was the kind of attitude that keeps people like the OP from getting advice and help. Solfy is right as usual. Pedophilia is a reality and there'll never be workable system to address it without talking about it.

no chomo, I don't think you're evil or a bad person or beyond help. None of us are defined just by one aspect of our personalities, and I do appreciate that you aren't trying to rationalize or make excuses for your attraction like the Ceasarios of the world.

I also agree with the people saying to try therapy again. No matter how good your self-control is, or how happy you are with your current partner, it never hurts to have someone you can turn to when you hit a low point. (and I don't see any need to bring up looking at child porn when you were a minor with a new therapist. I do believe you when you say you haven't looked at it since so that's water long under the bridge at this point.)

[Zeener Diode]

Part of me was hoping the OP was a troll, like El Gongo of Dupe. But as much as this topic has squicked me, I can't help but wonder how this person manages to get through the day without succumbing to temptations.

The comparisons to Ceasario are unfair: that particular poster reveled in squicking everyone by proclaiming his desire to have sex with minors, whereas the OP is struggling to contain himself. I hope he finds the right therapy or treatment to help him manage his obsession.

[no_chomo]

@Checkered Wreckurd, I completely agree that people should report actual admitted harm, or concrete plans to commit harm. But unfortunately, mandatory reporting goes far beyond that. I used to be a mandatory reporter, and it was clear that even if you only suspect abuse is possible, you are by law required to report. That's what makes it so difficult to talk about this problem with counselors. You have to bend over backwards to prove to them that you don't have access to children, you've never abused a child, you've never looked at child porn, and even then, they can and should still report you if they honestly believe you are a risk. And that's the tricky part... who can fault someone for honestly believing I am a risk to children, even though I haven't done anything wrong and don't plan to? It's not their fault for not being able to perfectly read my mind. It really sucks.

@Glazer, I am sorry that it upsets you I've posted anonymously. I honestly wouldn't mind sharing with you who I am via a PM, if you absolutely promise not to post it on the web. I just don't want my regular user name being tied to this post, because I use that all over the place, and it would be easy to connect to me in real life through my user name.

@JackieLikesVariety, I have started doing more research online and I think I have some leads on counseling and support groups that may be able to help me. I'm going to have a talk with my SO soon and tell them that I will probably be doing some counseling soon, for a private reason. I'm just building up the courage.

@eleanorigby, I'm glad you don't want to tar and feather me. I know you want what's best for me. It's clear you feel that the way I'm managing my issue has high potential to lead to abuse, but I strongly disagree. And you don't have to trust me. There are plenty of other professionals that also agree that using such materials that do not involve actual exploitation/harm as fantasy do help manage the condition without leading to abuse. You don't have to agree with that opinion, because it's just an opinion. But it is out there. I didn't just decide to do what I do without thinking it through and researching how to manage this disorder.

@Marmalade, I agree with everything you've just posted. I'm looking into getting professional, ongoing support. Even if it's just a once a month thing, it will help keep me on the right path. And I may learn new techniques and advice to deal with the disorder. I also appreciate that you recognize there are a lot of people with this disorder who do their best to rationalize it or minimize the harm it causes. Plenty of people who say "Oh well I may look at CP every once in a while, but I don't actually molest children. And besides, in the videos they always are willing and consenting and having a fun time, so what's the big deal?" That's absolutely wrong. Children can't consent to this stuff, and children have committed suicide after being subjected to abuse, even if they thought it was consentual at the time. I am absolutely opposed to CP. And I will never try to minimize or defend or argue for acceptance of this disorder. It may be an inherent genetic/congenital disorder, but that is no reason to accept it and even celebrate it like some people do.

@Zeener Diode, thanks for the same recognition. People like cesario, NAMBLA, and other online communities are disgusting and should be hated. Promise me when I tell you that none of you can hate them more than I do. They make it even worse to be a person with this condition, because it makes everyone think that all of us feel like we should be accepted and that it's no big deal and that we all think children should be able to consent to sex.

Since starting this thread, I've found some great resources and articles online. One of them I highly recommend reading if you are interested in learning more, can be found here at this link. It's a long read but it was so enlightening and encouraging for me. Maybe it will be an interesting read for some of you, too. It is an article about a person (several people really) who realized they had this disorder when they were teenagers, just like I did... and thought they would grow out of it, just like I did. They struggled with addiction to CP, as well, but now all feel exactly the way I do. That we do have a disorder, it's nothing we should accept, CP is dead wrong, and none of us want to abuse children. Please give it a read if you have the time. It shows that therapy can be helpful, and has made me hopeful that I can find some too.

ETA: I just saw the Starving Artist tag, and it made me laugh. That guy disgusts me too. Though I totally understand why you might think we're the same. I would never defend Jerry Sandusky and Joe Paterno for even a minute. Please believe me when I say that those guys make me angrier and sicker to my stomach than anyone.

[BrickaBracka]

Uh...for some reason I'm getting the feeling that popping my head in here and saying "I'm not OP" is important.

But anyway, OP, this is fucked up. Sorry you have to deal with it, but I'm glad you are dealing with it instead of just giving in and diddling children.

This country is probably decades and decades away from pedos of all varieties being able to seek legitimate useful help. Same reason drug offenders make up most of our prison population, and the homeless are usually insane. This country is made of mostly ignorant people who do not want to confront that which they do not understand but makes them feel uneasy. So they jail it or toss it out in the cold instead.

[Anacanapuna]

Originally Posted by BrickaBracka

This country is made of mostly ignorant people who do not want to confront that which they do not understand but makes them feel uneasy. So they jail it or toss it out in the cold instead.

I am stealing this for use in my newspaper column. I won't claim credit for it, but I am SO using this!

[Mustard Stain]

Originally Posted by BrickaBracka

This country is made of mostly ignorant people who do not want to confront that which they do not understand but makes them feel uneasy. So they jail it or toss it out in the cold instead.

Cracked had an article about this very subject that highly reflect the comment above. Society has no idea what to do with non-offenders (those who know it's wrong and would never, ever act on their desires), and it's exceptionally difficult for people like the OP to seek treatment proactively if they fear they might.

[BJMoose]

Originally Posted by BrickaBracka

Uh...for some reason I'm getting the feeling that popping my head in here and saying "I'm not OP" is important.

Relax. I suspect a lot of guys here are thinking to themselves, "Jeez, I hope nobody thinks this is me."


Puna: It'll be interesting to see just how you do that attribution. . . .

[BrickaBracka]

Originally Posted by BJMoose

Puna: It'll be interesting to see just how you do that attribution. . . .

My curiosity is piqued.

[BrickaBracka]

Originally Posted by Mustard Stain

Cracked had an article about this very subject that highly reflect the comment above. Society has no idea what to do with non-offenders (those who know it's wrong and would never, ever act on their desires), and it's exceptionally difficult for people like the OP to seek treatment proactively if they fear they might.

Good point. The only pedophiles society ever acknowledges are the worst of the worst. The ones who do heinous things. And the ones who are so egregious in their conduct as to get caught.

People desire black-and-white, they want to be told what's right and wrong so they don't have to decide. If you start putting pedophilia on a grayscale, people will have to draw their own line.

They won't like that.

[Mr. Plumbean]

Originally Posted by Mustard Stain

Cracked had an article about this very subject that highly reflect the comment above. Society has no idea what to do with non-offenders (those who know it's wrong and would never, ever act on their desires), and it's exceptionally difficult for people like the OP to seek treatment proactively if they fear they might.

From the article:

"CP," by the way, was their preferred way of referencing child pornography without (presumably) alerting the NSA.

Ulp, there's a link to "User CP" right on this website.

Not hanging out at this disgusting place any more.

[Mr. Plumbean]

Seriously, it's a good article. Fan of a lot of the stuff on Cracked.com (but some of it is god awful).

[Mustard Stain]

Originally Posted by Mr. Plumbean

Seriously, it's a good article. Fan of a lot of the stuff on Cracked.com (but some of it is god awful).

Their good articles are really good, but man, they publish a lot of stinkers too.

[Anacanapuna]

Originally Posted by BrickaBracka

My curiosity is piqued.

"The internet has all kinds of interesting stuff, and once in awhile I even run into a bit of wisdom that just slaps me between the eyes. This guy on my favorite discussion board dropped this pearl of wisdom the other day, and so I told him I was going to steal it from him, and he said 'I dare ya!' and so here it is: 'This country is made of mostly ignorant people who do not want to confront that which they do not understand but makes them feel uneasy. So they jail it or toss it out in the cold instead.'

"Could not have said that better myself...."

So, basically, you'll be attributed as "this guy."

[Colonel Plink]

Originally Posted by BrickaBracka

...
If you start putting pedophilia on a grayscale, people will have to draw their own line.

They won't like that.

Not even a problem.

Want sex with children?

Step off the curb, Cletus.

See?

Easy.

[Solfy]

Originally Posted by Colonel Plink

Not even a problem.

Want sex with children?

Step off the curb, Cletus.

See?

Easy.

By that logic we should lock you up as an actual murderer now, since the fact that you've seriously entertained the idea puts everyone at serious risk.

[Colonel Plink]

I don't follow you.

I didn't offer to throw anyone in front of a bus.

[BrickaBracka]

Originally Posted by Colonel Plink

I don't follow you.

I didn't offer to throw anyone in front of a bus.

However you do find some pleasantry in the idea of a gruesome death, at your direction. Would this make you guilty according to your logic? They want sex with a kid, you say they should kill themselves. You want them to die (though not by your hand), what should your punishment be?

I think the point is once you've got that sliding scale, you'll realize that everyone in the world falls on the scale at some point. Extenuating circumstances may adjust your culpability for your place on it.

It's disingenuous to say that a person who at one point, wants sex with a minor, is automatically and incorrigibly evil. Perhaps it was a temporary thing as they matured through puberty? Where is that line drawn? I know many 17 year olds who are less mature, both emotionally and physically, than 15 year olds.

Perhaps their brain isn't able to leave that place of hormonal angst, despite being 30, 40, 50 years old. This does happen, and is fairly common as fair as mental imbalance goes.

And if they know it's wrong, and refuse to act on it? Should they be encouraged to end their lives because of their brain chemistry? Or would it be better to allow those people to safely enter a place of treatment where they'll be allowed to acknowledge the issue and get help, or decide to live out their days chemically castrated, or whatever course may occur?

Yes there are those who wantonly and egregiously engage in horrific acts of sexual perversion with children, and they should be punished for those acts. But if they could be intercepted long before that act occurred and have their course corrected - would this not be preferable?

Or must we wait until they act, the damage to the child is done, before we step in?

Are we going to only act in retribution and never in prevention?

[Mustard Stain]

Plus, if the study cited in the Cracked aricle is valid, the number of people who'd have to kill themselve for having such thoughts would be very, very high.

But to answer your last question: Yes. North American are much more about retribution than prevention and rehabilitation. That why so many other countries have much lower incarceration rates and recidivism rates (for crimes in general). That's what happens when the focus is fixing/improving the problem/causes rather than just punishment.

We are a much more vengeful society and we don't like to spend resources for treatment that could prevent horrors.