expectopatronum "I couldn't think of a good title and I feared judgment if I fucked it up." aka DurpSnark 85

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Making a post where every second reply in that thread is worth mentioning made my head hurts.

The thing that is hurting is your head, which is singular. So it should be "...made my head hurt."

[Someone]

To Pencil:

Your gut is right. I can't think of a construction in English where "(something) made my head hurts" would be correct. "My head hurts" would only be used to describe something happening in the present.

ETA: Too many damn ninjas around here.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I read that thread and thought about posting here, but the amount of derpitude was just too much. Making a post where every second reply in that thread is worth mentioning made my head hurts*.






*Foreigner actually asking for help: the subject of that sentence is singular [Making a post], but as it is referring to a multitude of posts my gut feeling for grammar says it should be 'hurt'. What's the Strai.... GB consensus?

It's "hurt." "Head" is the object of the verb "hurt."

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

who else does this remind me of?

Well, based on these criteria:

Originally Posted by Someone

For fun and profit, count the number of times that our sociopathic douche BigT uses "I" or "me" or "my" or "mine" or other personal pronouns in a given post.

And this post:

Originally Posted by Someone

...i...i...i...i...I'm...i...i...I...i...I...i...my...I...i...i...i...i...i...I...i...I...i...me...i...we...i...i...i...i...i...i...i...i...I...i...i...i...i...i...i...me...i...i...i...i...

I have to conclude that it's Fenris.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I wonder if that would earn a mod note ...

It's IMHO, one of the 'warm-fuzzy' forums. An outright warning is the minimum. And if you're one of the suspected trolls or a sock, expect discovery and instaban.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

*Foreigner actually asking for help: the subject of that sentence is singular [Making a post], but as it is referring to a multitude of posts my gut feeling for grammar says it should be 'hurt'. What's the Strai.... GB consensus?

Singular. Hurt refers to your head, not the number of posts that are making it hurt. You DO only have ONE head, I hope. One never knows about you evil furriners.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Thread started by Contemplation? I thought that fucker got banned recently, unless I'm thinking of another "long word that starts with 'C' and was banned for trolling or sockage" user-name.

I'm not even bothering with new trolls. They're deleted too fast and the crappy Zotti-policy of deleting their threads even if they're good is too frustrating.

I kinda lost interest in newbie trolls after the "Don't ask me if I want my drink refilled, just do it waiter. IT'S THE LAWWW!" crazy was banned.

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...=509580&page=2 (around post 240-250)

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

The thing that is hurting is your head, which is singular. So it should be "...made my head hurt."

Originally Posted by Someone

To Pencil:

Your gut is right. I can't think of a construction in English where "(something) made my head hurts" would be correct. "My head hurts" would only be used to describe something happening in the present.

Originally Posted by Someone

It's "hurt." "Head" is the object of the verb "hurt."

Originally Posted by Someone

Singular. Hurt refers to your head, not the number of posts that are making it hurt. You DO only have ONE head, I hope. One never knows about you evil furriners.

Holy shit, did it get derpy in here all of a sudden.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I kinda lost interest in newbie trolls after the "Don't ask me if I want my drink refilled, just do it waiter. IT'S THE LAWWW!" crazy was banned.

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...=509580&page=2 (around post 240-250)

"THE MENU IS THE GOD OF ORDERING!!!"

Springs1 is "internet famous". Google her user name and you'll find all kinds of shit going back to at least 2003, and maybe earlier.

I did that, last time someone, somewhere, referenced her. That Durp thread came up on the first page. If you dig through the results, you can even find out who she is (people found her, but she slammed the door/phone/whatever in their face rather than admit it). Kathy Something-d'or-Other, somewhere in southern Ontario, IIRC.

The Durp only got one appearance from her. They were smart enough to use the Banhammer. Other places still get her cray-cray to this day. She even showed up at a !men's shaving site! to spew on a thread about 'tipping your barber' (That one was particularly hilarious, since they didn't ban her, but she showed up late last year, or early this one, to bitch about the people who bitched about her previous appearance several years earlier).

She's best known for demanding tubs and tubs of Ranch Dressing with whatever lo-cal shit she ordered. Among other fruitcakery, of course.

[Someone]

She was my all-time favorite brief troll/crazy of all time! And they banned her! This cannot stand. THIS! MUST! NOT! STAND!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Holy shit, did it get derpy in here all of a sudden.

Don't make me hurt you.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Holy shit, did it get derpy in here all of a sudden.

STFU, or I'll make your head hurts, BIG TIME, asswipe!





Aww, alright. We love you, despite that... err... thing in the middle of your forehead, Viny.

[Someone]

The elephant in the room. 4063 active members.

Originally Posted by Someone

Anyone concerned? Not an appropriate question?

OK. Concerned about what? What's inappropriate about the question?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

She was my all-time favorite brief troll/crazy of all time! And they banned her! This cannot stand. THIS! MUST! NOT! STAND!

Maybe it's kinda like Tinkerbell. Let's all click our heels and light our Bics, and keep calling her name: Springs1, Springs1, Springs1! Maybe it'll make her show up, here. I hope so. With the rules around this hellhole, she should be able to stay until even JohnClay, ...err... @Lucy, gets sick of her.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Singular. Hurt refers to your head, not the number of posts that are making it hurt. You DO only have ONE head, I hope. One never knows about you evil furriners.

Would make no odds. Were I a two-headed Englishman I'd still say "all the grammar derp in here makes my heads hurt". There's no way I could conjure up a sentence that would let me say "this... makes my head{s} hurts".

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

... She even showed up at a !men's shaving site! to spew on a thread about 'tipping your barber' (That one was particularly hilarious, since they didn't ban her, but she showed up late last year, or early this one, to bitch about the people who bitched about her previous appearance several years earlier).

I remember visiting there after her first appearance. They even had a custom title commemorating her insanity: "I had lunch with Springs1".

I'll have to see if I can find the second round.

[Someone]

in that sentence, "hurt" is an infinitive, bungholes!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

To Pencil:

Your gut is right. I can't think of a construction in English where "(something) made my head hurts" would be correct. "My head hurts" would only be used to describe something happening in the present.

ETA: Too many damn ninjas around here.

Even after taking the folk remedy my wife made my head hurts.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Maybe it's kinda like Tinkerbell. Let's all click our heels and light our Bics, and keep calling her name: Springs1, Springs1, Springs1! Maybe it'll make her show up, here. I hope so. With the rules around this hellhole, she should be able to stay until even JohnClay, ...err... @Lucy, gets sick of her.

As long as she didn't fuck up a wide variety of threads (ie: this one), I'd give her a custom title "THE MENU is the GOD of ORDERING" maybe and even her own thread.

[Someone]

dude robert reveals himself to be a fruitcake. Post 5 has another fruitcake agreeing.

[Someone]

I agree with Fenris (!) about new trolls. Old school dope would keep them around for some entertainment, now they just get rid of them from jump. Boring.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Maybe it's kinda like Tinkerbell. Let's all click our heels and light our Bics, and keep calling her name: Springs1, Springs1, Springs1! Maybe it'll make her show up, here. I hope so.

If we start a thread about tipping in restaurants, she'll probably show up. She claims to be employed, but somehow has unlimited time to roam around the internet and post long, detailed lists of things servers must do.

I wondered if she ever thinks about anything besides restaurant service, and the answer is yes, she does:

Sex is not everything. In fact, at times it's aggravating if I am horny if I really have things I want to get done like housework or get ready for work but I have to relieve myself to feel normal. I don't get like this all the time or abnormally and in fact at times I don't want sex in a whole month before at times while other times I could want it 2 or 3 times in a day or everyday during about a week's time. I just want to be horny when I have the TIME for it, NOT when I need to get things done.

[Someone]

Someone resurrected that endless Paterno thread, and someone else posted a link to this picture.

[Someone]

What's a good adult height for a man?

She's trolling, right? Right...?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

What's a good adult height for a man?

She's trolling, right? Right...?

Hell, 6'7" is is 9 whole inches taller than panache45, and 3 inches shorter than panache's husband.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

What's a good adult height for a man?

She's trolling, right? Right...?

I didn't know that medically delaying puberty for X months in order to achieve target height Y at age Z was a real thing. That sounds like something Rod Serling would write on an off day.

[Someone]

Heh.

Originally Posted by Someone

(What particularly irks me is that if you make your post short, you get a dozen completely useless posts suggesting you check obvious things or do irrelevant fixes; if you write the problem out at length, you get no replies or a "Jeez, write a novel, wontcha" blow-off.)

This from a moron whose posts are always either short and cryptic, leaving out important detail, or long, bloviating, and assume his audience's incompetence. It's not surprising that's the only responses he gets.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Someone resurrected that endless Paterno thread, and someone else posted a link to this picture.

The picture made it worth it.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Heh.

This from a moron whose posts are always either short and cryptic, leaving out important detail, or long, bloviating, and assume his audience's incompetence. It's not surprising that's the only responses he gets.

I also like how in that thread, Ambivalid says, "The messageboard may have over 4000 registered users, but most of the posts are made by a small group of posters, maybe a hundred or so." and Colibri has to jump in with "Nuh-uh! Just for the 10 hours of today, there have been over 130 different posters!"

[Someone]

And speaking of the Avocado, madsircool called him out for his NWinglands and Bawstons and other ann'yances. I really hope AB responds.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I also like how in that thread, Ambivalid says, "The messageboard may have over 4000 registered users, but most of the posts are made by a small group of posters, maybe a hundred or so." and Colibri has to jump in with "Nuh-uh! Just for the 10 hours of today, there have been over 130 different posters!"

Reminds me of this thread where someone complained about Dopers being dicks all the time, and the very first response was Czarcasm dickishly demanding that he give specific examples of Dopers being dicks.

If and when the SDMB closes, I would bet that the very last post will be someone asking "Cite?" or noting a grammatical error in the next-to-last post.

[Someone]

The all-consuming inanity of this poster feels vaguely familiar...

Edit: Yep. The Fresh Prince/George Lopez combo gave it away.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

The all-consuming inanity of this poster feels vaguely familiar...

Edit: Yep. The Fresh Prince/George Lopez combo gave it away.

Wow, he's been there for over a month without being detected! I'm impressed.

He's evidently hit on a solid formula for returning to the Dope with a new username: just ask dumbfuck questions that allow derpers to shift into Didactic Mode and deliver little lectures.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Wow, he's been there for over a month without being detected! I'm impressed.

He's evidently hit on a solid formula for returning to the Dope with a new username: just ask dumbfuck questions that allow derpers to shift into Didactic Mode and deliver little lectures.

Shit, cornfielded. Anyone got a summary?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Shit, cornfielded. Anyone got a summary?

He was asking about TV streaming devices as if he had just heard of them today. The derpers patiently humored him. AmBar, Cord Cutter Extraordinaire, was heard from.

ETA: Here's the Google cache.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

And speaking of the Avocado, madsircool called him out for his NWinglands and Bawstons and other ann'yances. I really hope AB responds.

So he's settled on Denver. If he comes out by way of I80-I25, he'll pass within 5 miles of my house. I'm not going to tell him that.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

He was asking about TV streaming devices as if he had just heard of them today. The derpers patiently humored him. AmBar, Cord Cutter Extraordinaire, was heard from.

ETA: Here's the Google cache.

I noticed that thread, but never made the connection to Smeggy.

[Someone]

femmejean's trolling is getting obvious, now.

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...d.php?t=827870

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

So he's settled on Denver. If he comes out by way of I80-I25, he'll pass within 5 miles of my house. I'm not going to tell him that.

That's well within artillery range. If you get yourself a 155 and time it just right, you'd be doing Denver a really big favor.

[Someone]

Time for the Wile E. Coyote method:

1: shove a giant rock across the highway

2: paint a realistic highway scene on giant rock

3: normal cars go whizzing right along the painted highway

4: Barbie's car come whizzing along and SPLAT!

5: Barbie emerges from wreckage all accordion-shaped, making humorous "heehaw" noises as he walks

6: The daughter and dogs jumped ship approx. 15 minutes into the trip so they're unharmed.

[Someone]

What the fuck is up with this Salvor dude? Seems to be on a kick of "I will now reveal.." threads.

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...d.php?t=827911
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...d.php?t=827912

Like, back to back.

[Someone]

Real life, or Brave Internet Warrior for standing up to the racist bouncer?

About 1 o'clock or so, I was having brunch with my friends, and one of them (a black guy) realized he needed to go to his car. He left his phone on the table, and when he didn't come back after ten minutes, I went out to look for him. Turns out, he was being kept from coming back in, because he was told he was violating the dress code. (Something like his shoes or something - nothing in any way egregious)

When he told me that, I told the doorman that it was kinda strange that he would be in violation, since he'd been inside not 15 minutes before. I then pointed out that I was wearing similar shoes. You could tell the guy was pissed that he was being called out on his racism, and I half expected to be kept from entering as well.

Before he could sputter anything out, I made mention that I know the owner (mentioned him by name), and perhaps I should speak to him about their dress code policies. I then pulled out my phone and showed him that I did, in fact, have the guy's number.

Suddenly, my friend's attire was acceptable once again, but that guy shot me looks all day.

It's missing the applause from the rest of the restaurant, though.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Real life, or Brave Internet Warrior for standing up to the racist bouncer?

It's missing the applause from the rest of the restaurant, though.

Of course he just happened to know the owner and have his phone number in is phone, and the bouncer recognized the number immediately. If I had a nickel for every time I heard "I'm good friends with <owner>" at the various stores I worked during HS and college, only to have the owner later say, "I don't know who the hell that person is" when mentioning it, I'd be retired by now.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

femmejean's trolling is getting obvious, now.

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...d.php?t=827870

Closed by @Ivorytowerdenizen

Since the person in question (assuming this is real) isn't planning on taking any medical advice after doing something so dangerous, I'm not leaving this open.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Of course he just happened to know the owner and have his phone number in is phone, and the bouncer recognized the number immediately. If I had a nickel for every time I heard "I'm good friends with <owner>" at the various stores I worked during HS and college, only to have the owner later say, "I don't know who the hell that person is" when mentioning it, I'd be retired by now.

+infinity.

The best one was when someone tried to pull that on my coworker Martha, who was old and kind of crabby. Some woman came in and was trying to get away with something, and tried the old "I talked to Martha and she said it would be fine." Martha yelled back, "I'm Martha, and I never talked to you in my life!" It was great.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Of course he just happened to know the owner and have his phone number in is phone, and the bouncer recognized the number immediately. If I had a nickel for every time I heard "I'm good friends with <owner>" at the various stores I worked during HS and college, only to have the owner later say, "I don't know who the hell that person is" when mentioning it, I'd be retired by now.

There's a strange little bar in Ligonier, PA filled with dozens (hundreds?) of taxidermy specimens. Elephant foot stools, gazelles, you name it. The place is called Joe's.

We stop a few times a year. The place has had the same hard woman bartending for as long as I've been going there. It's a bar. People drinking there do not want kids around. Yet mothers occasionally insist on bringing their kids in, as a poor substitute for a trip to the zoo.

Bartender always yells, "NO KIDS!!". Moms invariably say they are allowed, and they all claim to know Joe, and they will tell him how they were treated. She then gets to scream back, "Well, tell Joe I said hello. He died in 1999, ya fucking moron".

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

+infinity.

The best one was when someone tried to pull that on my coworker Martha, who was old and kind of crabby. Some woman came in and was trying to get away with something, and tried the old "I talked to Martha and she said it would be fine." Martha yelled back, "I'm Martha, and I never talked to you in my life!" It was great.

Yeah, one little mom&pop I worked at, the owner liked to just hang out up front and people watch. A lot of people really did know him, but just as mean only knew his name was on the sign outside. One day, owner was up front talking to a little group and some customer came in and started raising Cain about something. He then went into the, "I'm a close, personal friend of <owner>! You better do right by me or I'll have your head!"
Owner stood there for a bit, listening to it, then walked over. "You know <owner>?"
"That's right, and this kid is going to be in trouble!"
"I heard that <owner> doesn't like when people treat his employees the way you are."
"Oh, he knows sometimes an example has to be made."
"He sure does. Get out."
"What?!"
"I said get out of my store."
It was a thing of beauty. That was the only time I ever saw it, but supposedly, he had done that sort of thing over the years. He had no problem disciplining an employee when it was needed, but he wasn't about to let a 'friend' do it.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Real life, or Brave Internet Warrior for standing up to the racist bouncer?

It's missing the applause from the rest of the restaurant, though.

Ok, I'll out myself on this one.

The reason I knew the owner was because we'd started going there from when it first opened, and it wasn't really busy.

Also, the place served bottomless mimosas, so we'd camp out there for hours and try to tip extremely well, because even though our waitress wasn't really busy with other tables, we were still taking up her time.

After a month or two (we went there both on Sat and Sun most weekends), the owner introduced himself and started talking to us. Told us he appreciated our business and gave us his business card. I hate carrying business cards around, so as a courtesy, I put the information in my phone.

As for me "white-knighting" that day (no pun intended), you have to realize that bottomless mimosas can give a person liquid courage that they may not have otherwise. I was having a good Sunday Funday and didn't want some asshole to ruin it for us.

I don't know if he knew the owner's number, or was just more surprised when I showed him the contact info that I put in the phone from his business card - full name, any phone numbers listed, e-mail address, etc. His reaction was probably more due to the fact that I had the guy's name, number, etc., in my phone, versus him knowing the guy's contact information.

I'm sure you are just being hyperbolic, but this happened outside the restaurant / bar, so it's not like there were a lot of people around and I caused a scene, so, no there wasn't any applause or many other people that even knew it happened.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Ok, I'll out myself on this one....

In other words, unless it's Ducati or Broomstick telling a story, implausible embellishment is not to be expected.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

In other words, unless it's Ducati or Broomstick telling a story, implausible embellishment is not to be expected.

I'm honestly perplexed. What is implausible about this?