More eXCIting Snark to Durp

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

IIRC, the joke is that Dopers don't think their time is worth anything, and will spend hours concocting homemade shampoo (or whatever) instead of spending three bucks on a bottle. And then they'll brag that it's so much better than that Pert crap.

Yes, I got the reference, but then someone here seemed to agree that it actually is easier and cheaper.

I suppose might be easy to do a passport photo at home if you already owned a photo printer and paper (I don't) and were confident that you could produce a photo that meets the requirements and won't be rejected (I'm not).

See, I have all that. I'd rather go to the Walgreens or whatever passport photo place. It's an ID photo. I don't need to look at my best in it.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I can only hope this was snark direct at the source, but if not, there's this nugget from the Chick-Fil-A thread:

Of course it was snark, otherwise I'd have said better and more cheaply. I can't believe I registered just to say this.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Of course it was snark, otherwise I'd have said better and more cheaply. I can't believe I registered just to say this.

Should've known that was a Giraffe whistle. As far as registering just for this, don't worry, you'll regret it. And, you're welcome.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I can't believe I registered just to say this.

Yeah, that's how they got me too.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Ha! Troll is full of shit, so he needs medicine containing bismuth?

Dick Tired Guy?
Dark Tread Guy?
Dark Triad Guy?

Originally Posted by Someone

Duck Tard Guy

Duck Turd Guy.

[Someone]

Hey guys...D_T is the only relevant part of that username

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Of course it was snark, otherwise I'd have said better and more cheaply. I can't believe I registered just to say this.

Stick around. We need a Door to hit flouncing members where the God Lord split them.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I suppose might be easy to do a passport photo at home if you already owned a photo printer and paper (I don't) and were confident that you could produce a photo that meets the requirements and won't be rejected (I'm not).

Seriously? Most applications are digital these days, including the photo. As long as you follow their guidelines, there's no reason why you can't use the phone that's in your camera and send the picture as an attachment with your application. It's not like the pharmacy uses Annie Leibowitz.

[Someone]

OK, I just checked online and it seems Americans have to physically submit a picture and a written application. And then it takes a month to six weeks. Wow.

[Someone]

Yeah, yeah, we know how much we suck.

[Someone]

purplehearingaid tells us that her dad tried to roast her in the oven.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Bill Door
I make Chick-fil-A chicken better and cheaper at home by brining my chicken in pickle juice.

Thanks dude!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

purplehearingaid tells us that her dad tried to roast her in the oven.

Her dad is a wimp. A Real Man wouldn't have been caught dead in the kitchen.
He would put her in the smoker.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Of course it was snark, otherwise I'd have said better and more cheaply. I can't believe I registered just to say this.

I've noticed that a lot of regulars on the Durp have picked up on this annoying habit (making everything better & cheaper at home) and are joining in on the fun.

[Someone]

ThelmaSpew justifies the SDMB Troll Nutrition Program:

Originally Posted by Someone

So what? Maybe the OP read everything, but didn't feel like posting again. She's in a really sucko place. Maybe someone else reading this thread got something useful out of it.

[Someone]

Typical for her. I'm kind of surprised she hasn't posted in the omnibus trolls thread even once; she's missing one hell of an opportunity to scold people for how we can't know it's not a real person with a real problem and anyway there's a minuscule chance we'll actually help some random stranger with the exact same problem down the line with our ineffable wisdom and insight, guise!!!!!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Of course it was snark, otherwise I'd have said better and more cheaply. I can't believe I registered just to say this.

Ah, well played. I thought I remember you having a sous vide, so I completely bought it hook, line, and sinker.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Of course it was snark, otherwise I'd have said better and more cheaply. I can't believe I registered just to say this.

stick around we don't bite

[Someone]

4chan trolls, Durpers are suitably trolled, troll each other in response.

Guin, you posted in that thread. Why didn't you bring us that snark gold?

[Someone]

From the Workplace Rants thread:

Originally Posted by Someone

<snip>


Oh: and if you've implemented the system in factory A. And then factory B chooses some products already present in factory A for their own testing (which will be done using factory A's production information). And they choose products that ring a bell.

Don't be surprised when 5 out of the 5 products selected are not made in factory A and therefore do not have any production information. You see: they ring bells in factory B because factory B is the one that makes them. Factory A only distributes

She never makes sense to me! It can't be just the language barrier, can it? She seems to speak English well enough. I wish I could just skip her posts altogether, but I can't seem to make myself do it.

Is it just me, or does that post make no sense?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

From the Workplace Rants thread:

She never makes sense to me! It can't be just the language barrier, can it? She seems to speak English well enough. I wish I could just skip her posts altogether, but I can't seem to make myself do it.

Is it just me, or does that post make no sense?

I have posted this before. She is the only poster on the durp whose posts I always scroll over. They make my head hurt.

[Someone]

Not snark, but good news. ZipperJJ ran for city council and won!!

[Someone]

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

From the Workplace Rants thread:

She never makes sense to me! It can't be just the language barrier, can it? She seems to speak English well enough. I wish I could just skip her posts altogether, but I can't seem to make myself do it.

Is it just me, or does that post make no sense?

No, it's not just you.

[Someone]

The BigTard Lecture Series continues: Your pitting of Acey is becoming weak. You are disappointing me.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Is it just me, or does that post make no sense?

Not just you. She apparently just expects everyone to already know the context she frequently fails to provide. I, unfortunately, know a number of people with that habit. I've learned to just nod my head and never bother to ask for clarification. It just makes it worse.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

The BigTard Lecture Series continues: Your pitting of Acey is becoming weak. You are disappointing me.

"A lamer version of a snark forum." Hmmm...what other snark forums are there?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

No, it's not just you.

It's easily parsed after a good round of Spainslainin'.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Not snark, but good news. ZipperJJ ran for city council and won!!

Congratulations. You will now have every numpty in town bugging you at all hours because they got a parking ticket or their neighbor's tree keeps dropping acorns on their property or the neighbor lets their dog shit on their porch roof (actually happened in my town.) YOu'll never lack for dinner party conversation again

[Someone]

Sage Rat thinks he was haxxørd.

Turns out, it was a case of zombie amnesia.

Just to be clear, I did not write a post with the words, "1 L3r|\|3D L337! "

3 minutes later:

Oh...okay I guess I did! Sorry ignore this post. I didn't realize that I had replied to a zombie thread and that my new posts were on the second page. Apparently, I did post that back in 2006.

[Someone]

And they're really bitin' today.

Is my husband using me for a green card?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

And they're really bitin' today.

Is my husband using me for a green card?

Let's see, first post looking for advice on a secret marriage showing every red flag in the Big Book of Relationship Red Flags, with a side order of Islam and "brown people" bashing. That's not even trawling; that's danging a tender, squealing piglet in front of a hungry tiger.

[Someone]

I think that's the first time any Doper has been compared to a tiger. Usually, they're the piglet.

[Someone]

Hmmm, might be more accurate to say dangling a succulent mealworm in front of a hungry goldfish.

Because, when I had goldfish, I could sit and watch them slurp up the same nugget of poop over and over and over because maybe next time it'd be something edible.

[Someone]

Lighthearted Absurd lies you tell your kids thread, with things like sushi has to be de-cooked with a machine you can get from Costco, and along with mountain lions and mountain gorillas, there are mountain lobster and mountain jellyfish. The OP requests more absurd lies people tell their kids. So how long before either (a) a poster scolds the OP for daring to tell their children anything untrue, or (b) a poster saying their parents told them about God and/or Jesus.

[Someone]

One of my biggest regrets when my father died a few years back was that I never got around to asking for my nose back. You know, you always think there's plenty of time ... until there isn't ...

[Someone]

Since the OP specifically says, "And save the Santa Claus or god snark - I need creative stuff to continue messing with my niece and nephew" I predict that both will show up within the first 5 posts.

And "how dare you lie to your children!" by post 12.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Lighthearted Absurd lies you tell your kids thread, with things like sushi has to be de-cooked with a machine you can get from Costco, and along with mountain lions and mountain gorillas, there are mountain lobster and mountain jellyfish. The OP requests more absurd lies people tell their kids. So how long before either (a) a poster scolds the OP for daring to tell their children anything untrue, or (b) a poster saying their parents told them about God and/or Jesus.

And yet, Rocky Mountain oysters are real.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

And yet, Rocky Mountain oysters are real.

Except, there's no females. They all have balls!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

And yet, Rocky Mountain oysters are real.

And delicious. When I lived in Denver, I frequented a stand at Coors Field that served them with fries and green chili. Enjoyed with a lager from Coors Field's own microbrewery, and you've got a nice day at the ballpark. Even if the Rockies sucked.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

"A lamer version of a snark forum." Hmmm...what other snark forums are there?

He's not referring to the 'Snackpit". This is what qualifies as 'snark' over there, these days:

Originally Posted by Someone

Bill Durr is ASD.

Yes, it refers to our recently arrived member, Bill Door, and his 'sous-vide' snark. BigTard is not looking down on the snackpit. He's ragging us 'avec le mot juste' (but only in his own tiny mind). It's a direct attack on the GB. We need that PALATR smiley we used to have to ridicule him properly, again.

BigTard reads us. BigTard thinks we care about his grossly morally defective opinion. We point and laugh at that morally defective dipshit.



How the fucker can think he has any credibility at this point, I cannot understand. But, then again, I'm not retarded, both intellectually and morally, as he is.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Lighthearted Absurd lies you tell your kids thread, with things like sushi has to be de-cooked with a machine you can get from Costco, and along with mountain lions and mountain gorillas, there are mountain lobster and mountain jellyfish. The OP requests more absurd lies people tell their kids. So how long before either (a) a poster scolds the OP for daring to tell their children anything untrue, or (b) a poster saying their parents told them about God and/or Jesus.

You missed (c), I'm going to ruin a light-hearted thread by telling everyone about how when I was 9 my mother swapped my tattered copy of The Hobbit, my only friend in the world, for cigarettes for her drunk boyfriend, then made me eat the butts for breakfast. But I'm glad some people can laugh about their childhoods. I never could.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

You missed (c), I'm going to ruin a light-hearted thread by telling everyone about how when I was 9 my mother swapped my tattered copy of The Hobbit, my only friend in the world, for cigarettes for her drunk boyfriend, then made me eat the butts for breakfast. But I'm glad some people can laugh about their childhoods. I never could.

You missed out how long before a poster brags about some nasty lies they told their kids. Cairo Carol, post 6

Not quite what the OP is looking for, but we have always told our son that he has numerous dead siblings buried in the yards of the houses we lived in before he was born, because those children did not meet our standards so we offed them and tried again. (It works because we were married for 16 years before our son was born, so plenty of time to produce and murder other children.)

I'm familiar with the name but CC has never pinged my wtf meter before.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

He's not referring to the 'Snackpit". This is what qualifies as 'snark' over there, these days:

Yes, it refers to our recently arrived member, Bill Door, and his 'sous-vide' snark. BigTard is not looking down on the snackpit. He's ragging us 'avec le mot juste' (but only in his own tiny mind). It's a direct attack on the GB. We need that PALATR smiley we used to have to ridicule him properly, again.

Yes, I was being ironic there.

BigTard reads us. BigTard thinks we care about his grossly morally defective opinion. We point and laugh at that morally defective dipshit.



How the fucker can think he has any credibility at this point, I cannot understand. But, then again, I'm not retarded, both intellectually and morally, as he is.

Case in point, just posted a few minutes ago:

Originally Posted by Someone

This saddens me. I do not believe that what I do and what octopus does have much in common at all.

What I do is point out dishonest tactics and take the time to pick apart arguments I think are bad. I specifically avoid one liners and just discrediting someone because I think they are dishonest. I avoid snark except as a fun joke, because I know snark doesn't substitute for substance. I always argue why and how it bothers me, and make as many allowances as possible. And then I leave, to avoid dragging it out and hijacking the thread.

octopus, on the other hand, switches into a tut-tut mode when he can't win arguments. He doesn't say why things are wrong, but just lambasts people for doing it. He sticks around and makes the thread all about him, because he wants to distract from the main issue. He refuses to make allowances to people for being particularly angry or anything. And he'll just start calling people names and making fun of them, for his own amusement.

I know my name is the go-to for "guy who moralizes," but I struggle my hardest to do it in a way that has substance behind it. And I do my best to make it the minority of my posts and avoid it when unnecessary.

To have the transparently defensive version by octopus lumped in with my actual desire to make the world better is disheartening. And, no, I'm not asking for advice on how to fix it, and will be avoiding this thread for a while, because the haters who enjoy pissing me off will likely be incoming, and I stay away to avoid engaging and making the thread about me. I apologize for that/them, but I felt the need to defend myself a bit here.

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...php?p=20592690

[Someone]

Help me out here, people. I'm old and suffer from CRS, but I swear I've seen this writing pattern before.

No paragraph breaks
No capitalization
Ellipses used as main punctuation

In GQ, but no facts mentioned

New poster bumps a thread from last year.

[Someone]

stick around we don't bite

you speak for yourself, Missy

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

You missed out how long before a poster brags about some nasty lies they told their kids. Cairo Carol, post 6

I'm familiar with the name but CC has never pinged my wtf meter before.

She posted again with a nasty lie her parents told her:

Oh, I just remembered an incredibly inspired falsehood that my parents tried to convince me of.

You know those whitish spots you get on your fingernails from time to time? (Or anyway, kids do; they seem far less common for adults.) I always had them, and one day I wondered out loud what caused them.

In a moment of sheer genius, my mother said, "That's what happens when YOU TELL A LIE."

I protested, as I was not aware of having told any significant lies recently, yet I had several white spots. Besides, what would be the science behind that? "Oh," my mother said authoritatively, "It's somewhat like how lie detectors work. When you lie, the stress causes brief fluctuations in heart rate and body temperature; this is reflected in the nail bed. Kind of like tree rings: scientists can see what years had warm summers or cold winters by looking at the cross section of the trunk."

I still didn't buy it, but my dad chipped in with more: "You know, this is how the tradition of giving a woman an engagement ring got started. When a man asked a woman to marry him, he would inspect her hands to make sure he wasn't proposing to a liar. If her hands were clear and he found her worthy, the ring he gave her signified that she had 'passed inspection.'"

I was still doubtful, but then my mother came up with an argument that did at least partly convince me: "You know why women wear nail polish? It's to cover up the fact they've been lying."

It seems like the apple didn't fall too far from the tree.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

you speak for yourself, Missy

I don't bite, I just kabong

[Someone]

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Help me out here, people. I'm old and suffer from CRS, but I swear I've seen this writing pattern before.

No paragraph breaks
No capitalization
Ellipses used as main punctuation

In GQ, but no facts mentioned

New poster bumps a thread from last year.

I know watchwolf49 does, but, annoyingly, some other posters seem to post like that too. It's becoming more common.

I also notice some put space between a period or other sentence-ending punctuation, like purplehearingaid.