? and the Durperians: 96 Snarks

[Someone]

New rule. Amuse your friends.

1 hour boxing for any post bitching about the title WITHOUT posting new or retro-snark in that same post.

Also, for those younguns who don't get the title:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XeolH-kzx4c

[Someone]

This title doesn't suck, because you didn't come up with it.

[Someone]

whenever i post retro snark no one likes it

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

This title doesn't suck, because you didn't come up with it.

Fine: no discussing the thread title without new or retrosnark. Loophole closed.

[Someone]

Went to browse and got nothing. I think we finally snarked them into shape.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Also, for those younguns who don't get the title:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XeolH-kzx4c

So that's what Tommy Wiseau did before "The Room"!

[Someone]

FINE I GOTCHER RETROSNARK RIGHT HERE

Otto's usually remembered for the $20 theft prank and for being Zotti's sacrificial lamb post-Cuntgate, but he posted about some very important matters, too.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Well at least one poster over there has figured out who really shoulders the blame for the 17 dead in Florida. Hippies! No points for guessing who though. It's too obvious.

I'm quickly approaching the can't-stand-it-anymore mile marker on the road to Plonktown with that doddering jackass. The snark opportunities, rich as they are, don't justify enduring his wheezy confabulation day after week after month after year.

[Someone]

first

[Someone]

you are not first

[Someone]

He was first to say first.

[Someone]

I can dig it.

[Someone]

Guin got old octopussy all riled up.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

This title doesn't suck, because you didn't come up with it.

Why is it not called 96 Sneers?

[Someone]

I've never been to Chuck E Cheese but I have been to Dave and Busters and it sucks. But what's really sad is when I've had to go, I take notes to determine which machines have the best return on investment. That's right, it's so awful, I'd rather do math.

sorry for grossing you out expecto, i was just trying to be funny

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Guin got old octopussy all riled up.

What is his deal? Oh, I'm going to hang out in a forum that let's everyone flame each other, then whine about the fact that they do so! It makes me long for the days when we could call each other cunts.

Originally Posted by Someone

I've never been to Chuck E Cheese but I have been to Dave and Busters and it sucks. But what's really sad is when I've had to go, I take notes to determine which machines have the best return on investment. That's right, it's so awful, I'd rather do math.

sorry for grossing you out expecto, i was just trying to be funny

Meh, I had fun the one time I went to Dave and Busters. Won a teddy bear playing skee-ball.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Guin got old octopussy all riled up.

I have that tsking asshole on ignore.

[Someone]

Whenever someone uses potty mouth in any kind of discourse, I immediately label them moron. Doing it in the Pit is military-industrial grade idiotic.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I've never been to Chuck E Cheese but I have been to Dave and Busters and it sucks.

I'm not a huge fan, but Dave & Buster's is Shangri-La on ecstasy compared to Chuck E. Cheese's. It's not nearly as claustrophobic and there's at least the possibility of getting a decent drink and something edible.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

New rule. Amuse your friends.

1 hour boxing for any post bitching about the title WITHOUT posting new or retro-snark in that same post.

Also, for those younguns who don't get the title:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XeolH-kzx4c

New snark:
Points and laughs at Fenris being mean.
More snark:
He fucked up the thread title again.
Even more snark:
https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...d.php?t=849384
(that dude is something)


I did it, in the right fucking order too.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I have that tsking asshole on ignore.

I have him on ignore too; unfortunately, people keep quoting him in order to make fun of his use of the phrase "potty mouth."

I've gone back and forth on the ignore list thing—ignoring people, then taking them off so I wouldn't miss anything snarkable. Now I have a whole crowd of twits on ignore, including Shags and Acey, and I am determined to keep them there (despite the insistence of some Dopers that the ignore list is for snowflakes who can't stand to have their worldview challenged).

The ignore list is quite effective in some cases—for example, Gatopescado. Nobody ever quotes that asshole.

[Someone]

From the last thread:

Originally Posted by Someone

Here is one from a few days ago. Kayaker, what were you thinking? Broomstick's phone consists of a can connected to a string.

http://www.giraffeboards.com/showpos...&postcount=968

FFS, someone should tell Broomstick that you can go to Wal-Mart and buy a smartphone for $20 and use it on TracFone. Or if she's that damn poor, one of the lifeline carriers like Assurance Wireless or SafeLink will give you a fucking smartphone for free. It's not like everybody spends $1000 on an iPhone X. Of course it's a crappy phone for 20 bucks, but even homeless people can afford them. But then, she'd have to pry her hands and feet free from the cross and climb down off it.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

From the last thread:

http://www.giraffeboards.com/showpos...&postcount=968

FFS, someone should tell Broomstick that you can go to Wal-Mart and buy a smartphone for $20 and use it on TracFone. Or if she's that damn poor, one of the lifeline carriers like Assurance Wireless or SafeLink will give you a fucking smartphone for free. It's not like everybody spends $1000 on an iPhone X. Of course it's a crappy phone for 20 bucks, but even homeless people can afford them. But then, she'd have to pry her hands and feet free from the cross and climb down off it.

It's really tough to find something Broomstick doesn't already know, so I suspect this plan would fail.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

From the last thread:

http://www.giraffeboards.com/showpos...&postcount=968

FFS, someone should tell Broomstick that you can go to Wal-Mart and buy a smartphone for $20 and use it on TracFone. Or if she's that damn poor, one of the lifeline carriers like Assurance Wireless or SafeLink will give you a fucking smartphone for free. It's not like everybody spends $1000 on an iPhone X. Of course it's a crappy phone for 20 bucks, but even homeless people can afford them. But then, she'd have to pry her hands and feet free from the cross and climb down off it.

To be fair, she didn't say she couldn't afford a smartphone; she only said she doesn't have one. She does, however, own a tablet and a Kindle. I had her pegged as one of those smartphone refuseniks (I used to be one, but I finally gave in a couple of years ago).

[Someone]

Either that or stop whining every time someone brings up something she doesn't have. "Excuse me, not ALL of us can AFFORD blah blah blah."

Like when someone suggested an EZ Pass for that work trip she had to make. All she had to say was, "Thanks, but I rarely travel, so I really can't justify buying an EZ Pass just for one trip right now. Maybe later on."

Instead, she goes on this big monolog, "HOW DARE YOU ASSUME EVERYONE HAS THE MONEY TO BUY AN EZ PASS WHEN I CAN BARELY MAKE ENDS MEET!!!!"

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

FFS, someone should tell Broomstick that you can go to Wal-Mart and buy a smartphone for $20 and use it on TracFone..

$20???!?!!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!

Who the fuck do you think I am Mrs. Bill Gates????!?!?!?!?!!1111

I did find a phone for $10. Even us Poor Americans like Broomie can afford this sexy bitch.

https://www.walmart.com/ip/Straight-...&pltfm=desktop

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

...

Instead, she goes on this big monolog, "HOW DARE YOU ASSUME EVERYONE HAS THE MONEY TO BUY AN EZ PASS WHEN I CAN BARELY MAKE ENDS MEET!!!!"

Wait? you have to buy EZ Pass now? Mine were free and when I needed an extra for my daughter a few years ago that was also free. What does she think she is buying?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Wait? you have to buy EZ Pass now? Mine were free and when I needed an extra for my daughter a few years ago that was also free. What does she think she is buying?

The EZ Pass device, itself, at least where she lives, is free, but you had to IIRC prepay $30 in tolls into your account when you first got it, which was a) more than she needed and b) "MORE THAN I CAN AFFORD! DON'T YOU KNOW I'M POOOOOOORRRRRRR?"

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

The EZ Pass device, itself, at least where she lives, is free, but you had to IIRC prepay $30 in tolls into your account when you first got it, which was a) more than she needed and b) "MORE THAN I CAN AFFORD! DON'T YOU KNOW I'M POOOOOOORRRRRRR?"

OK, fair enough. When I got mine I was commuting via a toll road so it was just a huge convenience, especially in NJ where 1 of the tolls lets me go through at speed instead of having to slow down to 15mph.

I never considered the prepay part of it.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

New snark:
Points and laughs at Fenris being mean.
More snark:
He fucked up the thread title again.
Even more snark:
https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...d.php?t=849384
(that dude is something)


I did it, in the right fucking order too.

You rat-bastard.

Very good loophole exploitation. 10 points for being a sneaky rat-bastard.

[Someone]

Kanicbird just has to make sure everybody knows that New York is also a state.

See post 2: https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...d.php?t=849089

[Someone]

Clothy displays his quick and searing wit. (Stupid Liberal Idea thread)

1/25/2018
Knowed Out

In his house at Houston, braindead Clth'hmp waits dreaming. That’s Trump which will always lie, and with strange eons even his hair implants may die!

Clothy

You people are severely retarded.

begbert2

It's a Lovecraft reference. So a better appellation would have been 'severely literate'.

2/16/2018
Clothy

No, retarded was the correct word. Lovecraft probably rotated in his grave (if he's even in it, bwah-hah) at the misuse of his prose.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I have him on ignore too; unfortunately, people keep quoting him in order to make fun of his use of the phrase "potty mouth."

I've gone back and forth on the ignore list thing—ignoring people, then taking them off so I wouldn't miss anything snarkable. Now I have a whole crowd of twits on ignore, including Shags and Acey, and I am determined to keep them there (despite the insistence of some Dopers that the ignore list is for snowflakes who can't stand to have their worldview challenged).

The ignore list is quite effective in some cases—for example, Gatopescado. Nobody ever quotes that asshole.

D'Bwian is one of those jerks I have on ignore, but I keep reading his posts for the snark. He pukes up his lunch in a thread about buying a couple of beggars some frozen hamburger patties and continues to hurl in the rest of the thread.

Originally Posted by Someone

You realize that by buying them food, you're effectively subsidizing their unhealthy drug habit, right?

https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...php?p=20793327

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...php?p=20793327

Now that is some classic Durping from D'Brian there. Technically he has a point. Drug addiction is a chronic problem among the homeless. So if you're feeding a homeless person, odds are good you're indirectly aiding their addiction.

Of course, there's a couple of problems with that interpretation. First, in true Durp fashion, it totally ignores shades of gray. Not all homeless have drug problems. Many have mental health issues. And for some it's simply that they're at the long end of a string of bad luck. But all of that is immaterial because it ignores the second and more important problem with D'Brian's approach: This is an act of charity. You're not asking for a person's life story, you're not feeding them because you expect some sort of reward, you're just helping one person right now. Maybe they'll go on to clean up their life, but probably not. That's not the point. You're just helping another human being, with all their foibles and flaws, get through the day.

[Someone]

Your thread title reminds me of Durians, a revolting fruit which smells like vomit. I would like to officially whinge about this.

In other totally unrelated news, I'm going to sleep now. See you in about 10 hours

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

You rat-bastard.

Very good loophole exploitation. 10 points for being a sneaky rat-bastard.

::kabongs Fenris with her tiny violin::

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Now that is some classic Durping from D'Brian there. Technically he has a point. Drug addiction is a chronic problem among the homeless. So if you're feeding a homeless person, odds are good you're indirectly aiding their addiction.

Of course, there's a couple of problems with that interpretation. First, in true Durp fashion, it totally ignores shades of gray. Not all homeless have drug problems. Many have mental health issues. And for some it's simply that they're at the long end of a string of bad luck. But all of that is immaterial because it ignores the second and more important problem with D'Brian's approach: This is an act of charity. You're not asking for a person's life story, you're not feeding them because you expect some sort of reward, you're just helping one person right now. Maybe they'll go on to clean up their life, but probably not. That's not the point. You're just helping another human being, with all their foibles and flaws, get through the day.

Besides, have you seen the price of ground beef lately? If he (StGermain) bought them ¼ lb. patties, there's a good 9 or 10 bucks.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Your thread title reminds me of Durians, a revolting fruit which smells like vomit. I would like to officially whinge about this.

But if you cook them you get extra hearts.

[Someone]

The thing about chaps like D'Brian and Clothy is how unhappy they obviously are. Turns out being a petty, hateful person makes you miserable, just like Dickens wrote about.

[Someone]

I think you've got the cause and the effect reversed there, but yeah.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I think you've got the cause and the effect reversed there, but yeah.

both are cause and both are effect = vicious circle

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Now that is some classic Durping from D'Brian there. Technically he has a point. Drug addiction is a chronic problem among the homeless. So if you're feeding a homeless person, odds are good you're indirectly aiding their addiction.

Of course, there's a couple of problems with that interpretation. First, in true Durp fashion, it totally ignores shades of gray. Not all homeless have drug problems. Many have mental health issues. And for some it's simply that they're at the long end of a string of bad luck. But all of that is immaterial because it ignores the second and more important problem with D'Brian's approach: This is an act of charity. You're not asking for a person's life story, you're not feeding them because you expect some sort of reward, you're just helping one person right now. Maybe they'll go on to clean up their life, but probably not. That's not the point. You're just helping another human being, with all their foibles and flaws, get through the day.

He also cited Promises Malibu. They have a HORRID reputation.

[Someone]

I used to work for a well known charity organization. Iwould have preached to you long and hard tgat giving cash just fuels their addiction. And it's probably true. However, as I have gotten older, I have come to the conclusion that only they can seek to change their situation and addiction. If I can give them a little cash* and a little dignity, I'm not adding to their addiction. Allowing another human being to live their life and not second guess their choices, it probly won't help them. But it's not hurting them, either. *If I were giving a substantial amount, say to help pay rent or utility payment, I will make the payment myself. Largely because it's a lot of money for me, and I don't choose to spend it on your drug of choice.

[Someone]

This how stupid people deal with complex problems.

No food means no drugs. Duh!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

This how stupid people deal with complex problems.

No food means no drugs. Duh!

They can't buy drugs after they've starved to death. Duh.

[Someone]

Silenus wanted some chinese food. Twenty-five responses so far and only one 'they just call it food'. No 'it's americanized chinese' yet, unless the two replies with chinese characters say that. And digs is a douche, as usual.

https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...d.php?t=849406

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Silenus wanted some chinese food. Twenty-five responses so far and only one 'they just call it food'. No 'it's americanized chinese' yet, unless the two replies with chinese characters say that. And digs is a douche, as usual.

https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...d.php?t=849406

I was just over in that thread. Spoiler alert:

He got his Chinese food and lived happily ever after.

[Someone]

What if God is evil?

[Someone]

Processed food causes Crohn's disease.

Be very afraid (of quack science).

[Someone]

Jesus. It's like he's a (allegedly) 16 year old version of my mother-in-law.