141: Everybody get all aboard, We’re gonna snark on the Straight Dope Board, And if that Straight Dope Board don’t durp, We’re gonna retrosnark until we urp

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I'd vaguely remembered the carjacking thread, but hadn't remembered it was the same OP until stretch piped up (post in case that's what you were looking for, Cochrane).

K. Thank you.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I
OP discovers that his fiancee's sister has been using his ATM card to steal from him, proven through bank security camera footage. Lots of debate over how to approach his fiancee's family, pressing charges, etc. No mention of past issues with this sister.

Then along comes stretch who points out the "my girlfriend was carjacked" by the same OP, and in that thread, the sister turned out to be the villain. And the OP disappeared from that thread entirely.

Superdude has returned with a clarification: it's a different sister!

So one of his future sisters-in-law orchestrated a (possibly fake) carjacking, and another has been surreptitiously draining his bank account. What a great family he's marrying into!

[Someone]

Why, that should raise no eyebrows at all, it does not strain credulity in the least!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

And she literally gave it her all.

ETA: But now that I think of it, her end was actually rather sad. Depending on Heroin Jack to save her, and instead of saving her, he got himself arrested, and she wound up actually dead. She was a snark gold-mine, but it wound up killing her. I hope Dom (her kid) is doing ok. It had to suck having her as a mother.

[Someone]

Agreed. That poor kid had a more fucked-up upbringing than Barron Trump.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Interesting developments in Superdude's "Pitting my future sister-in-law" thread.

OP discovers that his fiancee's sister has been using his ATM card to steal from him, proven through bank security camera footage. Lots of debate over how to approach his fiancee's family, pressing charges, etc. No mention of past issues with this sister.

Then along comes stretch who points out the "my girlfriend was carjacked" by the same OP, and in that thread, the sister turned out to be the villain. And the OP disappeared from that thread entirely.

Just hmmmmm.

The part that blew out my credibility meter was when he claimed the girlfriend got an extra McNugget and actually returned it to McDonald's instead of just going "hey, bonus McNugget!"

[Someone]

You bet, they'll just pop it back in the fryer for a minute and serve it up again.

Originally Posted by Someone

That poor kid had a more fucked-up upbringing than Barron Trump.

I suppose a quick clean death is out of the question.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Agreed. That poor kid had a more fucked-up upbringing than Barron Trump.

All things considered, I doubt the donald knows what month Barron's was born in.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

The part that blew out my credibility meter was when he claimed the girlfriend got an extra McNugget and actually returned it to McDonald's instead of just going "hey, bonus McNugget!"

It's weird to see asahi, who comes off as batshit insane in politics threads, being all calm and reasonable and trying to talk sense into Superdude.

Also, I re-read the carjacking thread, and noticed something i missed before: a special guest star appearance from I_Love_Me, complaining for the eleventy-zillionth time that Dopers are refusing to spell out abbreviations.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

The part that blew out my credibility meter was when he claimed the girlfriend got an extra McNugget and actually returned it to McDonald's instead of just going "hey, bonus McNugget!"

To be fair, she didn't return the nugget, she called them and told them they gave her an extra one. Which is still weird, but not as weird.

Children of severely dysfunctional families often follow two different paths. Some become dysfunctional themselves, getting into substance abuse, petty (or not so petty) crime, and general irresponsibility. Or they can become hyper in control with a rigid moral code. This can happen in the same family.

I'm not sure Superdude is lying. The overwhelming majority of his posts are innocuous posts, on things like sports, entertainment, Death pools, politics etc. Liars tend to post a lot more lies. I think it's possible he just got involved with a weird broken family, and is in denial about just how weird they are.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I'm not sure Superdude is lying.

I am. Though I’m less certain as to whom. It’s like that line The Departed. There’s deception, and then there’s self-deception. He must surely be dealing in one of them.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

To be fair, she didn't return the nugget, she called them and told them they gave her an extra one. Which is still weird, but not as weird.

Children of severely dysfunctional families often follow two different paths. Some become dysfunctional themselves, getting into substance abuse, petty (or not so petty) crime, and general irresponsibility. Or they can become hyper in control with a rigid moral code. This can happen in the same family.

My son, who is a recovering substance abuser, has done things like this—not quite on the McNugget level, but close to it. In his case, it isn't primarily a moral issue, but a hypersensitivity to potential legal problems. Where most people would say, "Cool, free food," he'd think, "Oh, shit, I'm gonna be accused of stealing this—I better say something."

Superdude's description of his fiance's siblings practically screams "drug users," and he's being childishly naïve about it. If he marries into that family, they're going to make his life a living hell. Some Dopers are encouraging him to let the ATM theft pass to keep the peace. If he does that, he's screwed. Addicts always prefer to steal from family rather than strangers or businesses, because relatives are far less likely to press charges.

I don't have a strong opinion about whether he's lying. As you noted, most of his posts are pretty ordinary. I mentally label a poster a liar only if they make up so much crap that it's not worth the effort to sort out what's true and what isn't (examples: Skald, Scylla, Acey).

[Someone]

Understood; I'll concede the McNugget.

I don't think he's lying, but I do think he is trying to rescue his girlfriend from her FUBAR family. That's doomed to fail unless she's willing to cut ties with them completely, which she obviously isn't.

Upon giving this way too much mental effort, I'm wondering now if the GF makes a point of being McNugget level honest about the little stuff so that the big lies are believed. I can't see how Klepto Sis was able to get superdude's PIN without GF being either complicit or dumber than a stump, ie texting something like "your PIN is 1234, right, honey?"

[Someone]

The whole "Now you mention it, there was another highly implausible incident a couple of years ago involving a completely different sister doing some dodgy stuff. Gee I completely forgot about that!" attitude is enough for me to be sure both incidents are 100% bullshit.

[Someone]

Question of the weak:

Are boat shoes any good for wearing on a boat?

Originally Posted by Someone

I inherited an ocean going fishing power boat. I know they are kind of presumptuous, but are classic boast shoes actually useful? Are they comfortable? Do you wear them without socks. Can you wear them on a small shitty boat, or do you have to have an 80 foot yacht? What is that cord going around them for? Will I look like a dick wearing them around town?

https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ar...a-boat/932379?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

The whole "Now you mention it, there was another highly implausible incident a couple of years ago involving a completely different sister doing some dodgy stuff. Gee I completely forgot about that!" attitude is enough for me to be sure both incidents are 100% bullshit.

It's possible. I have a hard time understanding why someone would come running to the Dope if they really believed a carjacking had happened. And that "different sister" stuff reminds me of Acey's ludicrous explanation of why he had a son and then didn't.

I'm inclined to accept the story for now because it fits a pattern I've seen many times, i.e., people who are enablers and in denial about it. Usually when Dopers invent stories, it's to make themselves look awesome, and this one makes Superdude seem like a dim-bulb with terrible judgment. But I could be wrong.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Question of the weak:

Are boat shoes any good for wearing on a boat?

If I inherited a boat, I don't think my first concern would be "What kind of shoes do I need for this?"

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

If I inherited a boat, I don't think my first concern would be "What kind of shoes do I need for this?"

No but it's not an unreasonable question to ask.

I think that boat shoes look kind of douchey. Are they better than regular sneakers on an actual boat? If so, I will buy a pair.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

No but it's not an unreasonable question to ask.

I think that boat shoes look kind of douchey. Are they better than regular sneakers on an actual boat? If so, I will buy a pair.

My dad was into boats—I wasn't particularly into that, but I spent a lot of time on them. I always wore regular sneakers. I can't remember if he had boat shoes.

The mention of "boat shoes" makes me think of that scene in Caddyshack where Danny shows up at the club in full yachting regalia.

[Someone]

Boat shoes were what the "good girls" wore when I was in high school, ideally with the laces tied into barrel knots and not in a bow. The "bad girls" wore Doc Martens, and the girl jocks had the choice of either white Keds or the boat shoes.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Alright fess up. You added the typo, didn't you.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Alright fess up. You added the typo, didn't you.

If he did, it's nothing to brag about.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Alright fess up. You added the typo, didn't you.

I quoted it sic erat scriptum.

[Someone]

BOAT is an acronym for Break Out Another Thousand, as in dollars.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

If I inherited a boat, I don't think my first concern would be "What kind of shoes do I need for this?"

Linked that for you...

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

My dad was into boats—I wasn't particularly into that, but I spent a lot of time on them. I always wore regular sneakers. I can't remember if he had boat shoes.

The mention of "boat shoes" makes me think of that scene in Caddyshack where Danny shows up at the club in full yachting regalia.

Boat shoes are somewhere between tennis shoes and moccasins. Made to withstand standing water and able to remove quickly when needed (if you have to dive overboard). Often paired with alabaster legs. I think the perceived doucheyness comes from the inherent doucheyness of most rich people, who love being seen on boats.

That said, I come from a world where boats are vehicles to harvest fish. Boat shoes are terribly inappropriate; you want footwear that will repel water and keep your dogs warm. But I'll tell you, you can find El Douche-o in any boat, be it a Smoker Craft or Zodiac. (My friends refer to hog lines when it comes to douchery.)

[Someone]

BigT is psychically reading your emails.

https://boards.straightdope.com/t/or...stake/932423/2

He's also psychically sucking your toes.

[Someone]

Now where'd I put that cyanide laced nail polish...

[Someone]

The hard part about boat shoes is breaking them in. It takes two seasons of use before they're "just right".

[Someone]

Last week after we had our big snowstorm, there was a tragic and really fucking stupid incident in a nearby town in which an argument over snow shoveling ended with a man blasting two of his neighbors several times with a handgun, going in to get a rifle and shooting them again, and then went in the house and killed himself.

With Solomon-like wisdom, Acey weighs in:

The neighbors were complete jerks. Threatening to beat the guy up and taunting him.

It doesn’t justify his murderous response.

Even a grain of civility on both sides could have made all the difference.

He should have setup a security camera that would have shown his neighbors threats. It would have been useful when he took them to court.

So useful when the dead guy takes his dead neighbors to court...

Later he asks why the victims didn't just run back inside the house, after they'd been shot multiple times and were laying on a snowy street surrounded by giant snow piles.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Later he asks why the victims didn't just run back inside the house, after they'd been shot multiple times and were laying on a snowy street surrounded by giant snow piles.

These are the hard hitting questions the fake news is afraid to ask.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Later he asks why the victims didn't just run back inside the house, after they'd been shot multiple times and were laying on a snowy street surrounded by giant snow piles.

I like how he adds that he and his wife would have run for cover.

[Someone]

I guess Ace's children would have to take their chances with the shooter. Unless he forgot to imagine them, in which case they'd be totally safe.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I like how he adds that he and his wife would have run for cover.

Since she exists only in his mind, wherever he goes, she goes, unless he's imagining her somewhere else/

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I guess Ace's children would have to take their chances with the shooter. Unless he forgot to imagine them, in which case they'd be totally safe.

I wonder if the daughters are still "away at college"? They were apparently stuck at home during the lockdown last spring.

Originally Posted by Someone

Thankfully the weather is warming up. My wife and I enjoy sitting on the deck. Our daughters prefer being in the house. There’s a large field and pond behind our street. I pass the time with binoculars watching deer and rabbits.

Okay.

[Someone]

I was not going to revisit the Superdude trainwreck, but I almost spit coffee on my screen when I saw this brilliant advice from Monty (of the Straight Dope Science Advisory Board!):

Originally Posted by Someone

You’ll never see a penny from her unless you sit her down, tell her this is not a discussion, have her sign a promissory note or contract with scheduled payments, and the first payment due right now, no other discussion.

I love that. Have her sign a promissory note. That'll teach that lowlife bitch not to mess with Superdude! Don't forget to have it notarized.

[Someone]

She can't renege on a contract, ya know. That'd be illegal.

Oh, wait...

[Someone]

eenerms gets a warning for another contentless OP.

https://boards.straightdope.com/t/so...t-loud/932481?

[Someone]

That was not just guidance. It went on eenerms' permanent record.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

She can't renege on a contract, ya know. That'd be illegal.

Oh, wait...

Hey, Contract Law is super, dudeper serial. Derrrrrp. "Help! My sister-in-law-to be has defaulted on her promisory note payments!" will get the attention of the police much quicker than, "Help, my sister-in-law-to-be stole from me as she somehow gained possession of my debit card and PIN, which only my wife-to-be and I know, but my wife-to-be couldn't possibly have been an accomplice!"

Okay, actually both sound kind of ridiculous.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Hey, Contract Law is super, dudeper serial. Derrrrrp. "Help! My sister-in-law-to be has defaulted on her promisory note payments!" will get the attention of the police much quicker than, "Help, my sister-in-law-to-be stole from me as she somehow gained possession of my debit card and PIN, which only my wife-to-be and I know, but my wife-to-be couldn't possibly have been an accomplice!"

Okay, actually both sound kind of ridiculous.

Someone, here, is seriously screwed. I'm kinda doubting that it's gonna be the future SIL

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

To be fair, she didn't return the nugget, she called them and told them they gave her an extra one. Which is still weird, but not as weird.

Is everyone reading that as one actual nugget? I read it as one extra order of McNuggets. Like, one extra bag of them. Which is still a bit weird, but just one single nugget would be raving loony.

[Someone]

Superdude put it "one too many McNuggets," which to me sounds like one single nugget. An extra order would make more sense, but then again not much about this story makes sense.

[Someone]

Have you omnibus troll threaders met TimothyNewsome yet? Vicious little troll turd who took aim at AHunter3 for no reason and has remarkable familiarity with A's old posts for someone who just joined in November.

[Someone]

I was just going through their posts. Who is he a sock of? Monstro left in November last year. I'm not familiar enough with her style to say they're the same person.

[Someone]

monstro has backwards views on trans people but had way too much class to be that troll.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Vicious little troll turd who took aim at AHunter3 for no reason

Well, not no reason. AHunter3 does sometimes have a tendency to post as though he's the only gay in the village, as it were.
But if you call him on something, he can be perfectly gracious about it. But it does mean he's got a ginormous target on his back.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Hey, Contract Law is super, dudeper serial. Derrrrrp. "Help! My sister-in-law-to be has defaulted on her promisory note payments!" will get the attention of the police much quicker than, "Help, my sister-in-law-to-be stole from me as she somehow gained possession of my debit card and PIN, which only my wife-to-be and I know, but my wife-to-be couldn't possibly have been an accomplice!"

Okay, actually both sound kind of ridiculous.

Actually, it won't. Using a debit card without permission is criminal, but failure to honor a promissory note is civil. Once you get that contract in place, you have to go to a small claims court or hire WV's weeniest lawyer or one of his ilk. Personally, I'd do it on the cheap: screw any kind of promissory note and call the police on her ass now.

[Someone]

Stoid is fascinated by deadly workplace accident videos.

Originally Posted by Someone

I figure it’s an opinion issue Regarding how fascinating it is…

I recently saw a collection of CCTV videos which each captured some catastrophic deadly accident in some manufacturing workplace. There were about half a dozen.

None of them was particularly gory in the traditional sense of being bloody or anything. Which is part of what made them fascinating… In each case, someone is sucked into some piece of machinery so fast it’s almost beyond belief that it’s real time, and they are mostly spat out just as quickly, dead, but not gory. Just absolutely dead.

They were fascinating for a number reasons beyond the previous… The speed is truly amazing, and I am assuming that each one of the videos I saw was recorded in some non-United States location because in each case the equipment was so extraordinarily dangerous and so completely lacking in any sensible safety anything, OSHA reps would be stroking out. In each case the person who buys it is immediately before hand so completely casual about the danger they are way too close to it’s quite remarkable.

I don’t have a link and I don’t think I’d be allowed to if I did, but for those of you who might be equally fascinated I suggest you look for something like workplace safety videos and I think it was initially on Reddit, some gore sub Reddit or something I don’t remember how it popped up… But it is fascinating if you have the stomach for it. Which I do.

https://boards.straightdope.com/t/ho...videos/932548?

[Someone]

That's one sick chick.