What Are We Getting Giraffe For Christmas This Year?

[Flying Saucerian]

We need to select Giraffe's present so we have time to guilt Rat Diva into picking it up for us.

Options listed above...

[Random Precision]

I was going to say pink bunny costume, but I don't think he really needs another one.

[claudius]

I think the Barbie soundtrack is the only choice. It sure to be a classic and Giraffe does look like Barbie, sort of, in the right light,if you squint really hard and you're drunk enough.

[Flying Saucerian]

Then why didn't you vote for it?

[claudius]

I thought I did, but I think this poll is rigged. I might have to declare shenanigans.

[Jaglavak]

Um, I don't see "A Life" listed? I thought we agreed to get him something he could use.

[Kat]

And you think he'd be able to use that?

[C2H5OH]

Adult Diapers were not an option, so the "things he'd be able to use" option was not on the table. We had to vote on the options that were offered...

Blame the Flying Sausage for failing in the options we were offered...

Originally Posted by claudius

I thought I did, but I think this poll is rigged. I might have to declare shenanigans.

OH, BTW, ALL the options we are ever offered in these Christmas polls are rigged. That's why we always get him shitty Christmas gifts. I'm amazed that he still puts up with us. He's got the patients of a saint. 'Shenanigans' is de regure...

The 'gardening tools' option might have been good, but we all know that what he uses them for is just to bury his own shit in the garden...

Oh, come on, you know that you eat the zuccini that he over-grows out there...

[Flying Saucerian]

"He's got the patients of a saint"?

Well, he'd better give them back. I'm sure the saint would be of more help to them...

[Dudley]

A vBulletin upgrade!

[C2H5OH]

Originally Posted by Flying Saucerian

"He's got the patients of a saint"?

Well, he'd better give them back. I'm sure the saint would be of more help to them...

Maybe you guys should get me a spelling dictionary... Preferably before I kill someone by a 'mis-spelling' error...

[Flying Saucerian]

We're getting closer to the date.

Any more votes?

And we shall not discuss the folly of letting you select your own gifts for Giraffe. We're still paying off the fines from the time you bought him the scalp massager.

[Flying Saucerian]

Giraffe is now standing out in the snow lighting matches...

[JimNightshade]

This poll does not have the 2 words"Giraffe" and "Hot buttered toast" in one sentence - and is therefore invalid.
Sorry.
IF it did, the vote would tend to be Wombatian anyhoo.

(Anyhoo is a word lots of raffers love)

[claudius]

Originally Posted by Flying Saucerian

Giraffe is now standing out in the snow lighting matches...

Who's gonna tell Giraffe that people who play with fire wet the bed? NOT IT!!!

[Flying Saucerian]

You're not getting Giraffe hot, buttered toast again.

It was a mess to wrap and it attracted ants.

[JimNightshade]

Fine.
Sandwich bags then?

[Flying Saucerian]

Sandwich bags are a mistake. They plug him up something awful.

[Jaglavak]

Besides, G lost his sandwich bag privileges after the notorious toilet sandwich incident.

[JimNightshade]

Yup.

[Flying Saucerian]

Yup.

'Sigh.'

Wanna chase Kat around with the plastic snake?

[eleanorigby]

Does Giraffe even post here anymore? Last I heard, he had a bad leg and was on crutches. That was probably a decade ago...

[Flying Saucerian]

Just checked. His last activity on the Board was just a few days ago. So he's around, just not that interested.

[claudius]

There is no Giraffe, only Zuul!

[Flying Saucerian]

And trust me, it's a step up.

[Flying Saucerian]

And it's currently a three-way tie between the long velvet coat and pimp hat, the tin of butter cookies, and the book about the farting pufferfish.

Anyone want to break the tie or should we send Rat Diva out for all three?

We'll give Kat the dead wombat. We'll hang it by the string and she can bat it around. She likes that.

[Borborygmi]

Fine, I just voted. Hope that helps.

[JackieLikesVariety]

Fine, I'll break a tie.

[C2H5OH]

I was thinking about dredging up some socks to break the tie, but the deed has been done, and the tie was broken for my second choice, so I'll leave it stand...

I'm all for 'ranked choice' elections. And wombats on strings.

[Flying Saucerian]

Okay, fine. Giraffe gets the dead wombat and the string.

Kat will have to settle for the butter cookies and the book about the farting pufferfish. Rat Diva insists on taking the velvet coat and pimp hat.

[C2H5OH]

Originally Posted by Flying Saucerian

... Rat Diva insists on taking the velvet coat and pimp hat.

I'm sure it will look incredible (first definition) on her...

[zonnekus]

The times are rough
The times are hard
Here's his only Christmas card.

[JimNightshade]

Thanks for the times that you've given us
The memories are all in our mind
And now that we've come to the end of our rainbow
There's something we must say out loud
You're once, twice, three times a Giraffe
And we love you
Yes, you're once, twice, three times a Giraffe
And we love you
We love you

[Flying Saucerian]

Meanwhile, Rat Diva has left on safari to secure the wombat in time from Christmas.

Armed with nothing but her kabonger, her rapier wit, and flatulence that could kill a bull snake, she has disappeared into the jungles of South America. Which is silly because wombats live in Australia. But you try talking to her...

[C2H5OH]

Aww, come on. You could at least link to it:

Lionel Richie - Three times a lady

[Flying Saucerian]

Rat Diva is back. And we did have some trouble. She really should have checked to make sure the wombat was dead first; it wasn't. But it's been taken care of.

We have dispatched C2H50H to the Dollar Store to pick up one of those little sacks with a stencil of Santa Claus maybe dancing with a reindeer and a nametag. He can also get a candy bar for himself, but we expect change.

Oh, and Jim Nightshade is getting the gardening tools.

[C2H5OH]

I just got back from the Dollar Store, and all they have are leftover Halloween ones. Would Death dancing with a Pumpkin be acceptable?

[Flying Saucerian]

We know what you're up to. You want to get the Halloween ones which have been marked down to half price and pocket the difference.

[Jaglavak]

Well sure. Why should he be the only chump in the room?

[C2H5OH]

Well, of course. Did you expect anything else from me? If you did, you're giving me more credit than I deserve.

[Jaglavak]

Is is there ere an an echo o in in here ere?

[Flying Saucerian]

Then I'm taking back the hoop earrings.

[Flying Saucerian]

We ended up just putting the wombat in a paper grocery bag and giving it to Giraffe that way.

Sadly, it turned out to be not quite dead again and leapt out and savaged his face. But to be honest, it's a distinct improvement.

And he still has the paper bag to play with.

[Flying Saucerian]

So.



Anyone have anything to add?

[C2H5OH]

: " " [this last one requires a dead Giraffe, though. All we have is a dead horse. Make do with what you have, eh?]
Audience: " "

Let's tell a story with smilies. There isn't one bloody enough to put between and , though. And also the only one that could represent the Audience is this one: , which is HARDLY appropriate to the story I was telling...

@Rebo, can we get a 'dead giraffe', a bloody one to go between and , and an audience that doesn't seem so damn happy about what they are seeing? An audience that's just witnessing it seems appropriate, since the reaction smilies tell [Paul Harvey] "The Rest of the Story" [/PH]...

[Jaglavak]

Oh, come on. How are you going to use smilies to tell about the indictment and the restraining order and... Well anyway it won't work.

[Flying Saucerian]

[Jaglavak]

His wish list said "Tesla", not "Tesla coil". That won't fit through the door.

[Flying Saucerian]

But it very well might go through a wall...