Goddammit, you ate my breakfast

[Scarlett67]

Up early to finish a big project, deadline today. Tired, crabby, headache. The only thing sustaining me this early in the morning is the thought that after I finish this chapter, I'm gonna treat myself to two eggs over easy, with toast and OJ. Heaven! That'll power me through the rest of the day.

I finally finish the chapter. Huzzah, breakfast time! I go to the kitchen to find Mr. S. cooking an omelet in the pan I was going to use. Oh well, guess I'll just wash it when he's done.

"Gee, I was just coming in here to cook some eggs for myself," I remark.

"There's aren't any eggs."

"Excuse me?"

"These were the last two eggs. There aren't any more. I'll share this with you, if you want."

"Well, no, I was going to make mine over easy." (GODDAMMIT ALL TO HELL!!! )

"Oh, well I could go to the store and get more." (YEAH, LIKE THAT DOES ME ANY GOOD. I WANT MY EGGS NOW!!)

Grrr. So now the kitchen smells like eggs, and I can't have any. I can't bitch at him, cause how was he supposed to know? Well, I could bitch because he's sitting right here next to me at his computer with his coffee, with no obvious intentions to go to the store and get me my damned eggs, to replace the ones that HE ATE. And I'm still hungry, and I can't think of anything else I want to eat except EGGS EGGS EGGS.

It's gonna be a long damned day.

[Half-Man/Half-French]

While you were writing this post, seven children have died of malnutrition in Africa, you bitch.

[Andrew Jackson's Hair]

poor fatty want that eggs

[Andrew Jackson's Hair]

why dont you waddle down to the store and buy eggs, fatty

[Scarlett67]

Fuck that, this thread is about and my problems. Pay attention, willya?

[Andrew Jackson's Hair]

ur problem is i could empty the plague from your arteries and use it to stuff a moose

[Scarlett67]

Originally Posted by Andrew Jackson's Hair

why dont you waddle down to the store and buy eggs, fatty

When's the last time YOU ran a marathon, grandpa? I need my protein.

[Andrew Jackson's Hair]

eggs are for closers

u can get your priotean from the source god intended for the ladies (ie cocks)

[Uthrecht]

Okay AJH, I know the husband fucked up by refusing to go to the store like she asked, but please don't tell her to bite off her husband's weiner.

[Scarlett67]

Hey, I didn't even ask, HE OFFERED! Yet there he sits.

I just ate the last of his cereal. Milk too. That'll show him!

[Taur]

You need clear boundaries. For instance, the six eggs on the hinge side of the carton are mine, the other 6 are my husband's. I credit our 20 years together to this and an unending supply of Sharpies.

[Borborygmi]

GET BACK TO WORK ON YOUR PROJECT! IT'S DUE TODAY!

[Scarlett67]

I AM working! I can work and stew at the same time.

Thing is, I rarely eat whole eggs. In fact, there's a carton of egg whites for when I want to make a nice healthy omelet myself. But today I want yolky goodness, dammit!

He'd better go to the store before he leaves for work. Otherwise his stuff's gonna be out on the lawn. And it's raining today.

[Detroit Hoser]

Yeah, fuck all y'all. For the last two days I've feasted on nothing but Gatorade, Jello (which I used to hate but have surprisingly come to enjoy....til it comes back up) and crappy Ensure that's supposed to taste like egg nog but it's not fooling me. So fuck all y'all.

PS - Mr. Jackson's Hair can have my share of semen, because I like him best.

[Scarlett67]

Awww, Hoser. I'll send Mr. S over with a vanilla milkshake once I've made him my bitch.

[THespos]

"Eggs are for closers." Damn. I'm stealing that, AJH.

[Detroit Hoser]

Originally Posted by Scarlett67

Awww, Hoser. I'll send Mr. S over with a vanilla milkshake once I've made him my bitch.

Yeah, sure, if you're that pissed at him, go for it, because milkshakes just get barfed right back up.


Still hungry?

[smartass]

Originally Posted by Scarlett67

I can work and stew at the same time.

Well there's your problem. You're trying to make egg stew for breakfast. Which, incidentally, is high in protein and probably tastes worse than semen. I never heard of egg stew before today. There are a lot of google images and they look pretty heinous.

This post has nothing to do with anything, and can safely be disregarded.

[Scarlett67]

Originally Posted by smartass

I never heard of egg stew before today. There are a lot of google images and they look pretty heinous.

Hoser, that would be an appropriate punishment. It'd be like he was at work! If you could shit yourself while he's there, that would be great too.

(Feel better soon!)

-----------
He just left for the store. With a list and everything. He'd better not forget the eggs!

[Uthrecht]

Originally Posted by Detroit Hoser

PS - Mr. Jackson's Hair can have my share of semen, because I like him best.

Originally Posted by Scarlett67

Awww, Hoser. I'll send Mr. S over with a vanilla milkshake once I've made him my bitch.

That's... not vanilla.

[Detroit Hoser]

Originally Posted by Scarlett67

Hoser, that would be an appropriate punishment. It'd be like he was at work! If you could shit yourself while he's there, that would be great too.

Your husband works at McDonalds?

(Feel better soon!)

Working on it. Thanks.

[Scarlett67]

Originally Posted by Detroit Hoser

Your husband works at McDonalds?

Close. Dementia unit.

[Rebo]

Well, MY husband ate the last of the leftover pizza! I had to eat bread! Plain fuckin' bread!

Don't come whinin' to me.

Grr.

[Scarlett67]

That's IT! It's posse time.

[Scarlett67]

MMMM EGGZES TOAST OJ NOM NOM NOM

[Uthrecht]

Only a fucking lunatic makes his woman wait two hours when she's craving food. He could easily have been killed, with only himself to blame.

[Scarlett67]

The Hard-Boiled Seduction of a Soft-Boiled Egg

Florence King, a successful writer of pornography, is author of the following passage, highly recommended to those who would like to know how pornographic prose reads without having to read it:

Originally Posted by Florence King

I took the glistening, virginally white oval out of the fiercely bubbling, ecstatic cauldron of hot, hot water and cupped my hand around it and felt its contours with shimmering delight.

OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH was it hot!

YESSSSSSSSSSS!

I reached for my long sturdy, battering egg knife and tapped.

Did it ever come open!

Wide open!

What a gorgeous gash!

UMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

The shell slipped off and I touched the tender, moist, protein-swollen membranes of the secret softness. The steamy slice of hot, ready, edible egg burned my fingers but I thrust firmly with my rigid tool and inserted the erect, serrated knife.

I'M YOLKING YOU!

The lubricious, oleaginous, golden yellow ambrosial nectar of the pulsating, quickening core gushed out into my egg cup.

I centered my mouth over the slickened surface of the spoon and ate, ate, ate!

"I ate you," I whispered.

Did I ever...

THEEEE ENNNNNDDDDDDDD!

[smartass]

Originally Posted by Uthrecht

That's... not vanilla.

Vanilla semen would be pretty good. But not in the hair.

[Wolf]

Darth Vader: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

[Xploder]

ahem...

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS THREAD ABOUT ALREADY?????

sheesh...

[Wolf]

Originally Posted by Xploder

ahem...

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS THREAD ABOUT ALREADY?????

sheesh...

Hello, ominous large sized font.

Someone eating someone else's breakfast.

Was the caps key really that necessary?

[Clothahump]

I wish I hadn't read this thread. I don't normally eat a big breakfast but suddenly I have a craving to head to the nearest fast food place and load up on greasy eff sandwiches and hash browns.

Ah, the four major food groups in one delicious combo: grease, salt, fat and cholesterol.

[Xploder]

Originally Posted by Wolf

Hello, ominous large sized font.

Someone eating someone else's breakfast.

Was the caps key really that necessary?

Why yes, yes it was.

[Uthrecht]

Originally Posted by Clothahump

suddenly I have a craving to head to the nearest fast food place and load up on greasy elf sandwiches and hash browns.

Don't do it until January; Santa gets very cross.

[The Futility of Nihilism]

Originally Posted by Xploder

Why yes, yes it was.

Was not.

[Solfy]

Originally Posted by Uthrecht

Don't do it until January; Santa gets very cross.

Yes, he does.

[Uthrecht]

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Santa

[Solfy]

. . . that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal sale prices on consumer electronics.

[Zeener Diode]

...and tacit permission to enter every home in the world.

Big Brother would give his left nut for that.

[hatesfreedom]

eat the eggs

put the eggs in your mouth hole

[harsh_but_unfair]

Originally Posted by Clothahump

Ah, the four major food groups in one delicious combo: grease, salt, fat and cholesterol.

That's not a balanced meal. You forgot alcohol and tobacco. And chocolate. And cake. (If you're American, pie is an acceptable substitute.)

Also, there are only six food groups. Cholesterol, fat and grease belong in the same one. Hope this helps.

[Uthrecht]

Originally Posted by harsh_but_unfair

And cake. (If you're American, pie is an acceptable substitute.)

Call in the strike team. We got a live one.

[Clothahump]

Originally Posted by Uthrecht

Don't do it until January; Santa gets very cross.

Gotta love them typos!

Besides, Santa's already pissed off.