This must be the right place.

[Penumbra]

Hello, I'm Penumbra. You may call me Pen. I don't like to post without first giving a proper introduction. I'm just here to have a good time and perform ritual human sacrifice in the name of the empty lord.

I'm female and I'm not old enough to legally consume alcohol. I love science, history, and argumentation. I don't have a favorite band, album, or music genre, but I love film, especially 70's horror and golden-age Hollywood. I play horn. I run, hike, and swim to stay active. I enjoy cooking. My personal history, relationship status, and political views are frankly none of your business. I am generally very understanding, but I am also well-versed in the art of verbal emasculation.

Alles ist klar?
Wir sollten miteinander auskommen.

[Random Precision]

Welcome Penumbra. We are eclipsed by your presence.

Also - the right place for what? SRSLY. Need answer fast.

[Penumbra]

As I stated above, this must be the place to "have a good time and perform ritual human sacrifice in the name of the empty lord."

[Random Precision]

Oh that. Sure, great place for that. Happens all the time. In fact it's gotten so common place that it just sort of fades into the wallpaper, you know.

What we really need around here is someone who can craft a great pun. Now those are in short supply.


ps - you will be asked some simple A or B questions. How you answer them could well shape your entire future and impact all of human existence. So think about them very carefully before you make your wholly arbitrary decision.

[Nisslbody]

I'm just excited to learn that young people still use webforums.

[Khampelf]

Welcome, Penumbra.

I think you will find this an excellent forum for you aims. Go to it, and good luck!

[Giraffe]

Welcome, Penumbra. Feel free to kill whoever you want here, very few of us would be missed.

[Jaglavak]

If you're going to perform human sacrifice then you're going to need a human. This might not be the place for that. But if you must try then best of luck to you.

[JackieLikesVariety]

Hiya, Pen!

I'm just here to have a good time and perform ritual human sacrifice in the name of the empty lord.

which empty lord, now?

[Trrollish McTrollllerson]

Originally Posted by Random Precision

Oh that. Sure, great place for that. Happens all the time. In fact it's gotten so common place that it just sort of fades into the wallpaper, you know.

Mainly because Giraffe had that blood-colored wallpaper installed last year.

[Kat]

Originally Posted by Giraffe

Welcome, Penumbra. Feel free to kill whoever you want here, very few of us would be missed.

I can corroborate that. I kill Khampy all the time, and he's never been missed. (Other people too, but usually Khampy.)

[Penumbra]

Thank you, everyone. I feel ever so welcome.

@Random Precision, if you're looking for puns, you're in the wrong thread.

@Pons Nisslbody, there are quite a few of us, we're not an endangered species, but I am one of the rare breeds that doesn't shitpost.

@Jaglavak, I'll start with you. Are there any other volunteers?

@JackieLikesVariety, The one that will grant me immortality if I perform ritual human sacrifice, obviously.

Thank you all for welcoming me and allowing a millennial wander around unsupervised.

[AHunter3]

Good to have new people. The old people keep wearing out.

[JackieLikesVariety]

The one that will grant me immortality if I perform ritual human sacrifice, obviously.

[Jaglavak]

Fortunately, I can run faster scared than she can mad.

[dogbutler]

Welocme to the Boards! And you can use my Ritual Human Sacrifice Altar, if you share your sacrifices.

[BJMoose]

This Penumbra sounds like a shady character.

[Penumbra]

@BJMoose I'll say. I'm devilishly handsome to boot.

[Mustard Stain]

Originally Posted by Random Precision

What we really need around here is someone who can craft a great pun. Now those are in short supply.

You're thinking of Punumbra. Different person.

[Flying Saucerian]

But the real question is, after you kill these people, do you eat them?

I think it's wasteful not to.

[Penumbra]

@Flying Saucerian, I will not defile my god's sacrifice with my mortal teeth.

[Glazer]

Well you could compost them. Then grow food that's not actually them. Cuts down on the ick factor.

[Anacanapuna]

Originally Posted by Penumbra

I am also well-versed in the art of verbal emasculation.

I've been married 45 years, kid. There's nothing you can say I haven't heard before.

That said, welcome. Just not on my lawn. Stay offa my lawn, unless you're willing to mow it for five bucks.

And don't hide my goddamn Metamucil. BJ Moose thinks it's funny, but it's not.

[Khampelf]

You didn't say not to use your dentures and a support sock to put on a puppet show.


"Hey, kids! Here comes Mr. Drooley!"

[Tad Cooper]

Welcome, Penumbra. I think I know your brother, Pencilumbra.

[stormie]

Originally Posted by Penumbra

@Random Precision, if you're looking for puns, you're in the wrong thread.

challenge accepted!

Actually accepted in the second post. Always late to the party, me

Originally Posted by Penumbra

JackieLikesVariety, The one that will grant me immortality if I perform ritual human sacrifice, obviously.

What possible good is that? MORE time to be annoyed and make silly mistakes? You'll be around for the flying cars, maybe, but what then? It's going to be pretty dull on a dead planet, with or without the roaches.

[DrDumbth]

Originally Posted by stormie

It's going to be pretty dull on a dead planet, with or without the roaches.

It won't be dead. They'll have finally perfected Fusion power, by then. And they'll have used it to kill all roaches.

[stormie]

well, if Penumbra is immortal, it means the same stupid bunch of human sacrificers until the end of time itself . . .

[Carolia]

Anyone who kills roaches is okay by me.

Stupid Floridian roaches.

[BJMoose]

Originally Posted by Anacanapuna

And don't hide my goddamn Metamucil. BJ Moose thinks it's funny, but it's not.

(What's really funny is it's not Metamucil; it's Chiffon. He lost his glasses so long ago he's forgotten he ever had any. Glasses, that is. You don't forget Metamucil.)

[Colonel Plink]

Well you're right about one thing. I MAY call you Pen.

I MAY call you Dolores. It's going to depend on my mood.

I may ignore you entirely after this little exchange is over, because frankly I'm getting an ugly vibe off of you. Exceedingly bad juju.

[Jaglavak]

Aw, what's a little human sacrifice amongst friends?

[JimNightshade]

If its OK with you all, I would prefer not to be sacrificed just yet please, Shall we agree that people in Disco shoes are not sacrificed until all the rap people have been quartered, dipped in tar and feathers, and hung on rusty wagon wheels under a burning fire ?

[Jaglavak]

If Penumbra is immortal then she could be sacrificed and then spring back to life and it would be like a recycling program.

[JimNightshade]

I am cool with that - just don't touch my disco shoes

[Zeener Diode]

Originally Posted by Penumbra

@Flying Saucerian, I will not defile my god's sacrifice with my mortal teeth.

Originally Posted by Penumbra

@BJMoose I'll say. I'm devilishly handsome to boot.

Originally Posted by Penumbra

Thank you, everyone. I feel ever so welcome.

@Random Precision, if you're looking for puns, you're in the wrong thread.

@Pons Nisslbody, there are quite a few of us, we're not an endangered species, but I am one of the rare breeds that doesn't shitpost.

@Jaglavak, I'll start with you. Are there any other volunteers?

@JackieLikesVariety, The one that will grant me immortality if I perform ritual human sacrifice, obviously.

Thank you all for welcoming me and allowing a millennial wander around unsupervised.

She's making a list and checking it twice...

[JimNightshade]

Quick - boogie!

[BJMoose]

Originally Posted by Zeener Diode

She's making a list and checking it twice...

Methinks Penumbra is welcoming us to the Dark Side.


Which is okay, so long as they have cookies.

[KRS-One]

Originally Posted by JimNightshade

If its OK with you all, I would prefer not to be sacrificed just yet please, Shall we agree that people in Disco shoes are not sacrificed until all the rap people have been quartered, dipped in tar and feathers, and hung on rusty wagon wheels under a burning fire ?

HEY!a

[JimNightshade]

Originally Posted by KRS-One

HEY!a

Well OK, everyone except you. We cool?

[Anacanapuna]

Originally Posted by Colonel Plink

... I'm getting an ugly vibe off of you. Exceedingly bad juju.

You said the same thing about Captain Kangaroo. Or maybe Soupy Sales, I don't remember that far back anymore.

[Zeener Diode]

Captain Kangaroo gave me nightmares when I was little.

[Flying Saucerian]

You want nightmares?

He started out as the original Clarabelle the Clown on Howdy Doody.

[Inner Stickler]

Originally Posted by Pons Nisslbody

I'm just excited to learn that young people still use webforums.

What's the cutoff for young? Asking for a friend.

[Schutters Bier]

Originally Posted by Penumbra

[snip]
@JackieLikesVariety, The one that will grant me immortality if I perform ritual human sacrifice, obviously.

Thank you all for welcoming me and allowing a millennial wander around unsupervised.

And here I thought the reason we millennials go about depressed all the time is because we think we are immortal...

[Anacanapuna]

It's because you doubt that you have all of the answers. When us boomers were your age, we knew everything and that was pretty frickin' cool. It was only when we grew older and all of our answers didn't turn out to be right that we got depressed. You're having doubts and you haven't even been proven wrong yet ... what's that all about?

[Schutters Bier]

Originally Posted by Anacanapuna

It's because you doubt that you have all of the answers. When us boomers were your age, we knew everything and that was pretty frickin' cool. It was only when we grew older and all of our answers didn't turn out to be right that we got depressed. You're having doubts and you haven't even been proven wrong yet ... what's that all about?

My first words wasn't "mommy" or "daddy". It was "Nagorno-Karabakh".

[Anacanapuna]

I just don't believe that.

[Schutters Bier]

You believe what you want. But the grand future promised after the turn of the millennium did not live up to the hype.

[Flying Saucerian]

My mother used to claim my first word was "Batman." It was 1966, the show was big then...

As for the millennium not living up to the hype, I'm just relieved we haven't been enslaved by talking apes yet...