I really hate one of my co workers

[GoSmoke]

I work with a girl, let's call her Denise.

Denise has a very bad temper. She yells at everyone, including me, but it seems like the last few times I have worked around her, she has been picking on me. I just started my job a few months ago so I don't know everything, but she screams at me anyway if I do something she doesn't like. I got thrown on the register two days ago and everyone has been really nice to me about the few mistakes I have made, but she has been nothing but abusive and yelled at me yesterday in front of a whole line of customers. I was humiliated and scared she was going to get me fired. She's a department head and could do that if she wanted too.

The store manager and the assistant manager and I get along just fine. In fact, my store manager seems to really like me and has told me a few times that I am doing a great job and thanks me for my all my hard work. I know I work hard, I am so exhausted I have no energy to do anything but eat and sleep outside of work. My immediate supervisor and I get along fine as well. It is just this one department head who seems to have it in for me. I have done nothing to Denise except my very existence seems to piss her off immeasurably.

This is a good job and I love it except for the days Denise works. Is there a way for me to deal with her without getting myself fired? I am hesitant to talk to my store manager because Denise seems like the sort who would slash my tires if I got her into trouble. I know I should say something, but I really don't want to put myself or my job in danger.

Any advice on how to handle this?

[Parthenokinesis]

Punch her in the throat?

Seriously, it's probably best to approach the manager. Let them know Denise is acting unprofessionally in front of the customers and if she does that to you again, you'll punch her in the throat. Chances are you are not the first person she's been an asshole to

[GoSmoke]

I would love to punch her. Interestingly, we just had a store meeting about in house violence and my manager asked everyone to please be respectful of other people's feelings, especially now, when we are so busy. Apparently Denise wasn't listening to that.

I'm curious how she became a manager at all, considering what a bitch she is. She walks around with this mean look on her face and if I was a customer, no way would I ask her for help. She just looks mean.

I want to talk to my manager but I really don't want to to get fired or have Denise come after me. She seems like the kind of girl who fights dirty.

[Borborygmi]

You have my sympathies, GoSmoke; working with someone like that is a huge stressor. It sounds like you have at least three people (your supervisor, store manager, assistant store manager) that you could talk to. At a minimum, you should let your supervisor know that Denise is being abusive to you. You should avoid simply keeping it all bottled up. If there's future conflict with Denise, you'll want people aware of the pre-existing context.

[Uthrecht]

It sounds like she's already fighting dirty.

I think your two main options are 1) Suck it up, and B) Start a dialogue with your manager.

If you go with the first option, I don't have much else to suggest except to make sure you know where your happy place is.

If you go with the second option, talk to your manager immediately if not sooner, and have at least three situations to talk about where she was abusive or disrespectful. If you've written them down, that might be better.

Either way, I'd say under no circumstances should you yell back at her, much less take a swing at her. If you have a documented set of occasions where she's been unprofessional and her response is to get more unprofessional with you, it's quite likely that she'll edge herself out. Yes, starting to push back through management could backfire, but I think that's your only real remedy.

[Doyle]

Plant some drugs in her desk and then call security.

[Dudley]

No, seriously, punch her in the fucking throat.

Invite her out for a drink and when you get there, grab her by her funny little face and speaking directly to her, say, "Do NOT FUCK with me. The next time you think of yanking my chain, remember that I WILL find a way to fucking CUT you. I do not play."

[Rebo]

Originally Posted by Doyle

Plant some drugs in her desk and then call security.

"Look, <her> office drawer, <s>he's got all the bad drugs here. Marijuana joints, pills, Quaaludes, Valium, yellow ones, red ones, cocaine grinder, drug needles."

[Muffin]

Record her yelling at you.

[jali]

A "friendly customer" can report her yelling at you. The friendly customer can be one of your friends that calls the manager to report the incident and wonder how in the world anyone would be allowed to treat GoSmoke this way.

A few days later, another friendly customer can complain.

[Colonel Plink]

Originally Posted by Muffin

Record her yelling at you.

This.

Once it is irrefutable, there is nowhere for this woman to hide.

But it could become more unbearable for you. I'd start looking for another job.

Once you find that job, file a harassment suit against her and the company. I speak from experience. You may enjoy working with others in the company, but if they turn a blind eye to this kind of behavior, then fuck 'em.

[Lord Blackmore]

Originally Posted by Dolores Reborn

"Look, <her> office drawer, <s>he's got all the bad drugs here. Marijuana joints, pills, Quaaludes, Valium, yellow ones, red ones, cocaine grinder, drug needles."

Winthorp!

[bufftabby]

Be the gosmoke from the mini-rants thread, and stick with your vow not to let her intimidate you. Sometimes you gotta do what's right, and just watch your back for awhile afterwards. Just document, document, document. They're probably dying to get rid of her, and you'll be a hero.

[Khampelf]

No way you should have to put up with that. I too say document everything, the sooner the better. Write a letter with your grievance, yes grievance, detailing incidents and how it not only affects you, but reflects badly on the store.

Do address it with your manager verbally, and document that meeting and his response. If the bitch retaliates after that, document it, include it in the letter and send it to HR, cc'd to the manager. At that point, IANL, but you would have serious grounds for a harassment complaint to the EEOC, if not a lawsuit. I just read the EEOC has a 180 day limit on filing a complaint.

You have my empathy, hostile workplaces are horrible. I've had nightmares and dreaded going into work so badly my stomach hurt. This led to a seizure and another incident with an employee coming to my house to demand my keys to the office had HR scrambling to placate me. I can't say heads rolled, but the office manager was suspended while an investigation took place. I got a 30 day vacation/recuperation at 166% pay. I'm not a lawyer, but I'm speaking from experience.

[severe delays]

Remember to discuss her behaviour with colleagues. You are new and not used to it. They may have been there for a while and become so accustomed to her insanity that they no longer notice it. Or it could be that she only targets you and not them - don't think they won't notice something like that. The more people speaking up about her behaviour the better.

[iampunha]

Document it, and be prepared for retribution once Denise finds out.

I worked with a guy who threw a temper tantrum because I was doing my job and dared to do it in his presence.

Seven months later, after however many racist/anti-diversity statements, I went to our boss, told her I was tired of it, and she told me that he had a history of saying stuff like that, a history of being told he shouldn't and that I had to call him on it for it to be a firable offense.

So I called him on the next one, about as gently as possible, and then wrote her to let her know.

Not only did he stop talking to me unless he had no choice, he tried to prevent me from doing my job -- to the point where our boss couldn't get him to work with me.

He was finally forced to resign five months later, but not before he'd thoroughly punished me for standing up for myself (and the Jews, and women, and black people, and gay people, and cancer patients, and fat people, and people with special needs, and terminally ill children, and victims of school shootings ...).

Funniest thing is that a few months ago, when we were hiring for a position in the same department but with a few differences in responsibilities, he applied. I don't know what suggested to him that 1) anyone here wanted him around or 2) he'd be rehired by the same person who worked to have a walking hostile work environment removed, but as far as I know, his hateful self is still living in (almost my favorite part of this whole thing) California.

[SoylentPopTart]

Only one coworker? I hate every last one of my coworkers in Texas. It's easily 30 people but there may be some that I just haven't met yet.

[The Futility of Nihilism]

Originally Posted by SoylentPopTart

Only one coworker? I hate every last one of my coworkers in Texas. It's easily 30 people but there may be some that I just haven't met yet.

Awwww.

I once had a job (yes here in Texas) where I hated nearly everyone in the head office in New York.

[SmartAleq]

If your phone supports audio recording, get her on record being abusive. If she's reliable in the way she gets shouty, arrange to have someone in the store with a cell phone who can document her yelling. Bonus points if that helpful person then attaches it to an email to corporate with a "Why in the world do you people allow this sort of behavior in your stores, I will NEVER shop here again, harumph!" statement.

And make sure you've gone on the record with your manager about her behavior before arranging this. Slipping a quiet tear or two never hurts.

[sachertorte]

Find a friend of a friend of a friend to witness her yelling at you in front of customers and have that person make a formal complaint.
Yelling at workers in front of customers is a big no no.
Having a customer actually complain about it will be very bad for her indeed. Be sure he or she cc's corporate.

[Solfy]

Originally Posted by severe delays

Remember to discuss her behaviour with colleagues. You are new and not used to it. They may have been there for a while and become so accustomed to her insanity that they no longer notice it. Or it could be that she only targets you and not them - don't think they won't notice something like that. The more people speaking up about her behaviour the better.

I agree - one person (you) complaining about her behavior and you could be painted as a whiny non-team player. Three or more people bringing up a complaint gives it validity.

[ItsInTheCards]

Although all of the above suggestions are quite admirable and will probably do the trick. I, personally, would take a different approach.

I would wait for her to start yelling and just stand there and let her get it all out of her system. When she was finished, I would simply ask if she has not gotten laid in a while. And then tell her to Get Fucked!

But I'm a little confrontational like that. I would then walk with my head held high to the unemployment line.

Upon further consideration, perhaps you should just ignore my suggestion.

[Patience Worth]

This company has serious customer service problems!!! Most of the suggestions above would work and something, anything needs to be done quickly before this idiot costs the company their customer base. Most people will do about anything to avoid confrontation and to see or hear an employee berate another would be plenty of reason for someone to shop elsewhere. In this economy especially, drawing customers, not repelling them is the key. This chick seriously needs to be GONE for the salvation of everyone else's job.
Besides, this is the season for goodwill toward your fellow humans. Retail is stressful enough without this sort of harassment.

[SoylentPopTart]

Originally Posted by The Futility of Nihilism

Awwww.

I once had a job (yes here in Texas) where I hated nearly everyone in the head office in New York.

I've met plenty of Texans that I like, including you.

[Salambo]

I used to have serious confrontation problems, Smoke, and one of the things that helped me out was to get myself royally pissed in the face of the injustice as it was happening: First, is this a job worth fighting for? Second, realise as it's happening that this is NOT acceptable behaviour, you do NOT deserve to be treated like this, you did NOTHING wrong, and this woman is being an intolerable bitch and needs to be called on it right now. Okay, not in front of the customers. But if it must, wait until you are away from the customers and call her out. Don't yell, don't curse, don't blow your top. Explain calmly to her face that her behaviour is unacceptable. Steady yourself, and be ready for retaliation; she's the type, so it's coming. You're either going to work in silent misery while she does her thing, or get it out in the open and have her in trouble and trying to find ways to retaliate, but either way, you'll have to deal with her shit.

Document, as all have said, and I do hope you have an HR department - involve them and your managers. Turn those tables, lady. Have her have to walk on eggshells around YOU, not the other way around.

It's different for everyone, I know, but in my company, you got mad props for trying to confront the problem yourself first, then going through the proper channels when things didn't work. It doesn't matter how high someone is over your head, unacceptable is unacceptable. Someone's been sitting pretty comfortable for a long time. She needs to knock that shit off.

Once you start down that road, the key to success is to be persistent. Continue documenting after your original complaint. Don't let her sneeze without you documenting it. There's a fine line here that's extremely difficult to define: you don't want to be whiny, but you need to show you won't lay down and take her shit. Don't complain about anyone else while you are complaining about her, be concise and direct when you issue a complaint, and be professional. Be prepared to offer a solution to your own problem; one of the first things most management asks after hearing your problem is what do you think the answer to your own problem is. While it's tempting to say "Punch her in the mouth!" or "Fire her stinking arse!", try to keep it reasonable.

No: "She picks on me all the time! I hate her, I wish you'd get rid of her."

Yes: "She has, on three occasions, yelled at me in an unprofessional manner in front of our customers. I have asked her to please cease this behaviour, but it has only escalated since then. [Provide examples of escalation, ie: She now has an insulting nickname for me; I am reasonably certain she is purposely avoiding my requests since our confrontation, etc.] This is unacceptable. I ask that she be spoken to about her behaviour as soon as possible." If you have an HR department, this is often enough to prompt an investigation, which means an HR rep will roll on in and question other workers, who, hopefully, will backup your story without you even asking.


I had to deal with a sneaky, backstabbing sales rep in this way, and today she kisses MY ass, and I don't even work there anymore. She still fucks with people, that's just how she is. But she will never fuck with me again. She only pretends to like me while she simmers under the surface, but that's okay; I can't stand her and only muster the smallest, tightest "polite" smile when she's speaking to me, and mostly I look bored and distracted as she addresses me. She can't do shit about it. I love it.

[severe delays]

Originally Posted by SmartAleq

If your phone supports audio recording, get her on record being abusive. If she's reliable in the way she gets shouty, arrange to have someone in the store with a cell phone who can document her yelling. Bonus points if that helpful person then attaches it to an email to corporate with a "Why in the world do you people allow this sort of behavior in your stores, I will NEVER shop here again, harumph!" statement.

And make sure you've gone on the record with your manager about her behavior before arranging this. Slipping a quiet tear or two never hurts.

Possibly. We had some guy lose his rag at a customer and someone else filmed it and put it all over the media. The guy was told to resign and then a month later they quietly gave him his job back. Customer complaints are often accomodated for show but if Ms Shouty can come up with a good excuse for what she is doing (claiming provocation etc) then she might get away with it. I think it's a good idea to film/record but perhaps better to do so on several occasions rather than relying on a 'customer' harrumphing.

[The Futility of Nihilism]

I think that's why people are suggesting working up a record of behavior, SD. One recording may or may not get action. Several recordings of this person being abusive in front of customers is hard to ignore.

[Jaglavak]

I used to work in a shop where the foreman was a gigantic asshole. He liked to yell at the employees, throw stuff around, and call people names. Dude was also a serious gorilla, definitely stronger than me, and liked to brag about getting into fights every other weekend.

At the time I was destitute and somewhat desperate. This job had allowed me to move from my car to a very small travel trailer, and take a big step up in the grocery department. I reaaaallly didn't want to get fired. So I put up with it at first. As time went on I started to get more and more resistant and obnoxious with the guy, trying to get the point across. But that just made him yell and throw his weight around even more. It was definitely pissing off customers but he didn't even notice much less give a shit.

Six months later I was still putting up with it.

A year later I was still putting up with it.

Finally one day he put his hands on me. Turns out he wasn't so tough after all.

Twenty years later the thought of what I put up with from that random shitheel still pisses me off. He a pinhead building up his pathetic self esteem by trying to give me an ulcer. If I had it to do over again, I'd chop that motherfucker off at the knees the very first time he called me names. And you know what? Looking back I doubt if it would have gotten me fired. They needed me at least as much as I needed them. The whole sorry circus ended up being a valuable lesson that has served me well over the years.

[severe delays]

Originally Posted by The Futility of Nihilism

I think that's why people are suggesting working up a record of behavior, SD. One recording may or may not get action. Several recordings of this person being abusive in front of customers is hard to ignore.

Yes, that's why I said to record. But to send a huffy email from a supposed customer might not be the best option. Once that customer is placated then it may well be business as usual. It would be better to have multiple employees making multiple complaints over time because then the issue doesn't just go away.

[Jaglavak]

Another way to look at it is this; you are just demanding the same respect that she demands for herself.

[GoSmoke]

Thanks everyone. This definitely is a job worth fighting for, I love the company and I love the store and everyone in it except Denise. I don't have to work with her all the time, thank God, and I avoid her like the plague.

Next week will be the true test, she tends to get extremely bitchy when she is stressed, and next week will be incredibly stressful. I would like her to hang herself without me having to do anything, but I will report her if she continues with this shit.

[davew0071]

These are all good suggestions as far as formulating a plan to rectify the situation. Documentation, customer complaints to corporate, yadda yadda. All good.

One thing I would suggest you personally make sure you do throughout all of this:

Don't make it personal. Make it a matter of her being unprofessional in her job approach with her colleagues and the customers. Not that HR or anyone in a position to do anything won't be sympathetic to the fact that she's hurting your feelings, but it's not exactly a firing offense. Being a screaming bitch in front of clientele IS, however, and they will want to put the kibosh on it pretty quickly, especially if it's documented.

It's not only what evidence you present, but how you present it, in other words.

[jali]

Originally Posted by davew0071

These are all good suggestions as far as formulating a plan to rectify the situation. Documentation, customer complaints to corporate, yadda yadda. All good.

One thing I would suggest you personally make sure you do throughout all of this:

Don't make it personal. Make it a matter of her being unprofessional in her job approach with her colleagues and the customers. Not that HR or anyone in a position to do anything won't be sympathetic to the fact that she's hurting your feelings, but it's not exactly a firing offense. Being a screaming bitch in front of clientele IS, however, and they will want to put the kibosh on it pretty quickly, especially if it's documented.

It's not only what evidence you present, but how you present it, in other words.

Wise you are. Yoda-like even.

[Amythyst]

Unfortunately Florida law prohibits the audio recording of conversations without the consent of all parties. It's too bad. Denise would have a hard time denying her behavior if you had audio evidence.

You don't have to put up with this crap, Smokey. Document everything and take it to your supervisors. It's their job to deal with these kinds of issues. Don't let Denise force you out of a job you love!

[Qwisp]

Why not confront her if she yells at you, in a polite non-threatening manner. Something along the lines "Why are you yelling at me in front of customers?" It makes her explain and look like the bad guy in front of everyone. Win-win. The trick is an even tone of voice. No whining or yelling.

[iampunha]

Originally Posted by Jaglavak

Another way to look at it is this; you are just demanding the same respect that she demands for herself.

She isn't demanding respect. She is expecting fear and passivity.

[eleanorigby]

Find a way--bite the inside of your cheek, mentally count to 10, whatever--to NOT show that you're upset when she starts in on you. Let her yell it out. Then, remaining calm, say something like "I do not understand why you are yelling at me." Do NOT apologize. Keep your voice steady and low. Quite a few verbal abusers want to get a response out of you. They want to see that they're making you jumpy.

I would also ask your coworkers about her, but tread carefully. The amount of triangulation, back-stabbing and power plays that go on in any workplace can boggle your mind. Sometimes I'm surprised that any work actually gets done. I'd form my concerns as questions, "Is Denise going through a rough time right now? She seems really tightly wound and easily upset by stuff. Has she always been this way?"

I might even ask my manager that question. The reply you get will tell you a lot, even if it's just an eye roll.

Document, document, document. Write down the time, date, location and what was said. Make it impersonal and never write down your impressions. "She gave me a bitchy look" doesn't fly anywhere. "She approached me in front of 3 customers, speaking in loud tones and said, 'you stupid idiot! That doesn't go there!' The customers stopped shopping to watch our interchange." That is something TPTB can work with. May you never need to use this documentation, but it's much better to have it (kept at home, and of course, excuse yourself to the restroom to write the stuff down) and build up a file, than to rely on your memory. Dredging up memories very quickly becomes "he said, she said" crap.

And just be warned: Denise may have some higher up's protection. God knows Voldemort aka the Director from hell who I would step over if she dropped in front of me (the only person in my life I will say that about. Even my MIL I would make a token attempt to rescue) had protection-at the executive level. She did finally get canned (was allowed to quit), but I had moved on by then.

Good luck. And don't let Denise get you down. Concentrate on doing an excellent job and make sure your lines of communication are clear with those to whom you directly report. I doubt you'll be fired.

[GoSmoke]

I am concentrating on being the best employee this company has ever had. I am afraid I may become an insufferable kiss ass. This way, if Denise complains about me, my manager is going to think she's crazy.

I'm so fucking nice at work it makes my teeth hurt.

I really appreciate all your help guys, I think I will be okay as long as I can get through hell week(next week).

[Jaglavak]

Did you know that an electrostatic ion generator air cleaner thingie uses much the same circuitry as an electric fence box?

Hey looky, a spare coil of wire. Gosh it looks lonely.

[Muffin]

Originally Posted by ladybug

Unfortunately Florida law prohibits the audio recording of conversations without the consent of all parties. It's too bad. Denise would have a hard time denying her behavior if you had audio evidence.

Does that law apply to all conversations, or just private conversations that would not normally be overheard by third parties? Being loudly reamed out "in front of a whole line of customers" does not seem like a private conversation to me. Have a boo at s. 934.02 (2) of the Florida Statutes and and consider whether the public chastisements would be covered under s. 934.03.

s. 934.02 (2) “Oral communication” means any oral communication uttered by a person exhibiting an expectation that such communication is not subject to interception under circumstances justifying such expectation and does not mean any public oral communication uttered at a public meeting or any electronic communication.

Disclaimer: The above post is not legal advice. I am not a Florida lawyer. I am not your lawyer or GoSmoke's lawyer or the lawyer of anyone who reads this thread. Anyone seeking legal advice on the issue should hire a competent Florida lawyer.