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#1
25th May 2011, 10:43 AM
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Get your driving gripes off your chest here...
If I slow down to let you merge ahead of me, DON'T SLOW THE FUCK DOWN! Get your ass in there and get your speed up! Dumbass.
Turn off your fucking turn signal when you're just driving down the road! Dumbass. Use your fucking turn signal before you actually, you know, turn! Dumbass. Turn off your goddamn bright lights! You're blinding me! Dumbass. Get off the mutha-fucking PHONE! Dumbass. 
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#3
25th May 2011, 11:15 AM
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Gunter and Pierre are driving their respective, rented RV's; they are not used to a vehicle that is so large. They crowd the center line because they have no idea where their passenger tires are. When they meet, they ::Highfive:: the mirrors.
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#4
25th May 2011, 12:13 PM
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Women.
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#6
25th May 2011, 12:48 PM
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Hang up and drive.
Pick a lane. If you are traveling under the speed limit, the lane that you pick should not be the left one. The big signs with the flashy yellow lights say "EZPass ONLY." If you don't know what an "EZPass" is, you have no business in that lane. While sitting at a red light, you do not need to leave three car lengths between you and the vehicle in front of you. Some of us would like to get in the left turn lane and you're blocking it unnecessarily. The light is green. It is not going to get more green. Go, before it turns red again.
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#7
25th May 2011, 01:20 PM
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#8
25th May 2011, 03:00 PM
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Oh! Oh! A timely thread.
First: fuck you asshole motorcyclist. I'm sitting at a light, behind another car, in a spot that is one lane. Some jackass on a crotchrocket pulls up -beside- me. Again, it's one lane and lane splitting is illegal in my state. The guy looks at me like I'm supposed to let him go. I did something uncharacteristic and flipped him off. And then when the light turned green, I made sure he stayed beside me for a bit before I slowed and let him pass me. Bike riders constantly complain about how they're "invisible" to people driving cars. I pay attention to that and make sure I give bike riders plenty of room, I don't follow them closely, etc. So it just chaps my ass when I see riders doing stupid shit. Like lane splitting, or riding like their ass is on fire. I'm still a little irritated by it. But at least in part by my reaction to it.
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#9
25th May 2011, 05:08 PM
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When the mail truck is stopped, delivering mail to an individual box, the fact that it is HALFway out of the lane, doesn't mean you get to pass on the double yellow. Dumbass.
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#10
25th May 2011, 05:16 PM
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Catching myself doing what some "asshole" did.
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#11
25th May 2011, 06:11 PM
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If you do not stop texting while you are driving, I will shoot you. Thus proving that texting while driving is dangerous. Moron.
You have approximately 2 miles in which to merge into the right lane for your exit. You don't need to stop traffic in the lane that is not exiting while you wait for someone to let you in. Bonehead. The traffic on the main highway is moving at 65 to 70 mph. It is not wise to come off the entrance ramp at 35-40 mph and then slam on your brakes because you can't find a hole big enough to get into at that speed. It's the pedal on the right and it goes all the way to the floor. Halfwit. Also, when entering a high speed freeway, sometime before you run out of acceleration lane would be a good time to check to see if there's other traffic in the space you're merging into. Twit. If there is heavy traffic, but it's moving at a pretty fair clip, do not tailgate me. I'm going as fast as traffic allows and I might be overcome by a sudden urge to hit the brakes and let your insurance company pay to fix that little scratch on my bumper. Asshole.
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#13
25th May 2011, 06:30 PM
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Your car has a wheelbase only slightly longer than a Tonka truck--you do NOT need to swing WAAAAYYYY to the right (into my lane) before making a left turn nor do you need to swing WAAAAAAYYY to the left (into my lane) before turning right. City buses can and do make those turns with a fraction of your retarded gyrating maneuvers. Knob goblin.
Put those kids in car seats and put your own goddamned seat belt on. Fucktard. Hey, tiny little roller skate, stop trying to play brake check with the semi. You will lose spectacularly and that poor trucker will never be the same. The fucking truck weighs a hundred thousand pounds, inertia does not allow it to stop on the same dime your itty bitty tinfoil hatchback can. Stupid cock knocker.
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#14
25th May 2011, 06:39 PM
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If it's pouring rain, with low visibility, turn your fucking lights on. Christ almighty. "The sun's out somewhere up above the cloud cover, ergo I don't have to have my lights on."
If you're driving faster than me, then that fact should be rather obvious. This means you don't have to wait until you're kissing my bumper before you merge into the passing lane. The highway is empty, it's not like anyone else is in your way. Conversely, if you're going slower than me, and I'm passing you, then stop speeding up and let me pass! Are you that full of yourself, that you can't stand being passed by another car? This last one isn't directed at other drivers, but it affects me while driving, so in it goes: Dear morning radio personalities: shutupshutupSHUTUP! I want to hear music, not your goddamn fart jokes, and not celebrity gossip! I have an hour long commute. During that hour, you played 3 songs. THREE. WTF is wrong with you? I'd listen to that other station, but they only play the same 5 songs over and over. If I have to hear "Forget You" or "Rolling in the Deep" one more time, I will drive my car into a fucking tree.
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#15
25th May 2011, 06:49 PM
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I know you're really really anxious to make that right turn on red before the perpendicular traffic reacts to their green light, but I would appreciate it if you'd check to make sure there's no pedestrians about to step in front of you because they have a walk signal. Some people just gun it right through without even looking to their right.
Also, please don't pull up so far that you're on top of the crosswalk and I have to almost walk out into traffic to get across the street. Being 4 feet closer to your destination is not going to make your trip that much shorter, I promise.
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#16
25th May 2011, 06:56 PM
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And to the guy on the motorcycle who threaded his way between cars while I'm stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic: If I see you coming up beside my car, I'm opening the door.
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#17
25th May 2011, 07:35 PM
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Dear Lady in the SUV,
Yes, you turned into the parking lot. Right into one of 2 lanes, both of which lead to the GATED, SECURE PARKING LOT. One lane is for vehicles and their boats. The other is for cars ONLY. These lanes are separated by almost waist high concrete barriers. IN ORDER TO USE THIS PARKING LOT, YOU MUST HAVE AN ACCESS CARD THAT ACTIVATES THE SECURITY GATE. I have one hanging on my rearview mirror. You, I noticed, do NOT. Why are you in my parking lot? Why are you now blocking 4 cars behind you? You cannot turn around due to the barriers and we cannot back up due to the street traffic. Way to go, SUV Lady. See the nice man, coming out of the booth to "help" you? He lifted the gate so that you could turn around inside the lot and go back the way you came, using the boat lane as an exit (illegal, but we'll let that go for now). He did not lift the gate so that you could now PARK here. Arguing with him as you idle just beyond the gate (with the 4 cars still unable to move forward), won't get you a parking space, you complete waste of space. She finally gave up and drove off all huffy. 2 things to make this story complete: there is a parking garage not 1000 yards from where she was and there is a FREE lot across from the garage (time limited), plus there is on the street parking. What a maroon.
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#18
25th May 2011, 08:14 PM
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The fact that the two people you killed were not wearing their seat belts does NOT negate the fact that you were driving home from a college party at an estimated 90mph in a 65 zone with a BAC over 3x the legal limit for someone under 21 when you rear-ended that car full of people hard enough to flip it.
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#19
25th May 2011, 08:17 PM
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#22
25th May 2011, 09:18 PM
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#23
25th May 2011, 10:05 PM
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Dear half the drivers in this city:
The limit is 25, not 2.5. Or the limit is 40, not 20. Or, I dunno, we're on a highway. I realize this city is famous for everyone being late to wherever, but I am not from here, and I like to be less than an hour late to, oh, work, so if you could all just drop the whole driving ruse and start obsessively parking on the side of the road every five feet, I could weave between you and get to work. Dear two-thirds of the drivers in this city: It's a four-way stop, not a four-way waiting contest. Dear 10 percent of the drivers in this city: I don't want to be able to feel your car's music vibrating in my ass cheeks when I am sitting in my office. Plz to rectify this before I get Spanish-American medieval on your ass. Dear two or three of the drivers in this city: Good driving. No complaints.
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#24
26th May 2011, 04:07 AM
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There's been all kinds of warnings that the lanes are merging due to construction, everyone else has merged into the remaining lane, but you, you self-important git, must cruise past most of us in the soon to be blocked lane, then jam yourself in at the last minute in front of the barricades.
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#25
26th May 2011, 04:30 AM
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#26
26th May 2011, 04:33 AM
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If you're going to talk on the phone and tailgate me, don't get angry when I start tapping my brakes. You are way too close to be that distracted. Plus you are ugly and your mother dresses you funny.
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#27
26th May 2011, 05:00 AM
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Driving gripes? I try not to gripe... I realize that not everyone can be as thoughtful and considerate a driver as me.
For example, if someone is stuck trying to pull out of a parking lot onto a busy street, I will think to myself "huh... I should have slowed down and waved that guy in front of me" as I pass by. Most people don't trouble themselves with thinking about such things, but I am a thoughtful and considerate driver. Similarly, if I pull into an intersection and am still stuck there when the light changes due to gridlocked traffic ahead I think to myself "huh... I should have waited to make sure traffic ahead was moving before pulling into this intersection. Thinking things through like this is surely the mark of a thoughtful and considerate driver." Sometimes other drivers even toot their horns to serenade my unselfishness as I sit there. Some are so overcome with admiration that they look like they are on the verge of exiting their own cars to come over just to talk to me. No offense to anyone letting off steam here, but superior drivers like myself get greater satisfaction from thinking abour our own courteous driving than from griping about others... they can't help it if they don't have the same sort of driving savvy as us. You have to be born with it, I think.
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#28
26th May 2011, 05:00 AM
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Other than that, I agree with you. Assholes who think they're too good to merge where they're supposed to should have to sit forlornly in the nearly-closed lane while the rest of us drive by and  .
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#29
26th May 2011, 05:07 AM
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A few to add...
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#32
26th May 2011, 05:45 AM
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#33
26th May 2011, 05:46 AM
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So charming what Americans find annoying in driving. If only in my markets these were my annoyances. As opposed to people driving the wrong way down the autostrada at speed.
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#34
26th May 2011, 05:56 AM
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#35
26th May 2011, 07:37 AM
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People, this nice big road that we're on here in Houston is called the Sam Houston Tollway, not the Sam Houston Raceway. The speed limit is 60, not 90. If you're late to work, get your lazy ass up 15 minutes earlier.
And don't sit on my rear bumper in the right-hand lane and flash your lights at me to get out of your way. I will redefine "bad shit's gonna happen" for you if you do.
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#36
26th May 2011, 07:46 AM
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Dear Lady-Who-Almost-Hit-Me-Twice-In-10-Seconds,
If we are next to each other in separate lanes, going the same speed, that means I'm still next to you when you start trying to move into my lane. I appreciate that you used a turn signal but thats merely to indicate your desire to turn. It is not a magic device that moves cars out of your way. Then she did the exact same thing a few seconds later. Weekend warrior bikers. You know the type. The guy who rides his Harley bike while wearing his Harley tshirt, Harley boots, Harley bandana and is probably wearing Harley socks & underware. These are the guys spend more time accessorizing so they look like they have mad motorcycle skills rather than learning said skills. If I see someone on a motorcycle wearing more than one item that matches the brand of their bike, I get around them as quickly as I can. ETA- Hey Mr. Police Cop, You like to pull people over for improper lane changes, lack of turn signals, speeding, running red lights, ect. ect. So it would be nice if you exhibited those proper driving methods yourself instead of speeding, swerving around and running reds without running lights or sirens. Also would you shitfuckers stop pulling people over in turn lanes. It makes it kind of hard to you know, drive safely. Last edited by Revs; 26th May 2011 at 07:50 AM.
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#37
26th May 2011, 07:58 AM
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If it takes you five miles to pass a semi doing 60 miles an hour, thereby blocking both lanes and preventing people who are late from feeling like they're making a reasonable effort to be on time, I'm really not going to appreciate it when you then ride my ass as I do 70 for the next 15 miles. It just feels like you're fucking wth me.
Also, I'm not comfortable swerving five feet in front of a giant 18-wheeler after I pass it, so allow me time to put a little cushion between me and him before you expect me to -- or you can just burst through that five-foot hole between him and me. Wonderful.
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#38
26th May 2011, 08:07 AM
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ETA: On my drive home from South Carolina last month, I got to see a fun game for a while. There was a decent amount of traffic, so there was a line of cars in the left lane going above 70. I was in that left lane. I would then watch a fellow for whom this Would Not Do. He'd move along in the middle lane, start to get slowed down by a car there, duck into the right lane, push up a little while, get stuck behind a slow car and disappear behind me, then reappear going up the middle lane, get stuck, duck into the left lane, go up a bit further out of sight, reappear as the right lane slowed down, cut into the middle, fall back further behind, zip back up the right... Probably at least 20 miles, and he wasn't able to get appreciably ahead of me. Last edited by Uthrecht; 26th May 2011 at 08:12 AM.
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#39
26th May 2011, 08:12 AM
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#40
26th May 2011, 08:33 AM
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#41
26th May 2011, 08:35 AM
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I'm all about kicking out the jams while driving, but please take the time the balance the sound on your car stereo. I hate it when someone pulls up next to or behind me and the bass is so high that my entire car is vibrating.
I don't know where this whole bass obsession came from. When I got my car back after it was at the mechanic's for a few days I discovered that they had messed with all my audio settings. When I turned the stereo on I discovered that they had turned the treble all the way down and the bass all the way up. To listen to the rockabilly cd I had in there.
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#42
26th May 2011, 08:46 AM
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Last edited by Solfy; 26th May 2011 at 08:59 AM.
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#43
26th May 2011, 08:50 AM
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#44
26th May 2011, 10:45 AM
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Change the channel.
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#45
26th May 2011, 11:15 AM
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Last edited by Rebo; 26th May 2011 at 05:30 PM. Reason: fixed quote tags
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#46
26th May 2011, 02:05 PM
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#47
26th May 2011, 02:31 PM
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#48
26th May 2011, 04:19 PM
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Fair enough on both counts. Last edited by Rebo; 26th May 2011 at 05:31 PM. Reason: fixed your quote tags too
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#49
27th May 2011, 09:35 AM
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And the one thing I won't miss about Pittsburgh are those dimwits on the Parkway East who cruise past South Oakland at 70, only to exit the Squirrel Hill Tunnel at around 40. A local ISP (Ontv.com? On.tv? Somthing like that) used to have kind of a public whiteboard where I found this one day: Approaching tunnel Now I must slam on my brakes It might fall on me I think some people actually think that. * Most of the cops on the PA Turnpike seem to agree with the drivers that the 55 mph speed limit is retarded.
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#50
27th May 2011, 09:40 AM
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The cops also seem to feel that a speed limit of 65 is retarded as well. But 75-80 is just fine for them.
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| Giraffiti |
| can Dee fix tickets too?, CD Allen retard-at-large, my nipples xplōd w/delite, OUTTA MY WAY, turn left to turn right |
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