January Jonesing for Snark? (Derp Thread 68) - Page 10

Someone · #**451** 14th January 2016, 07:40 PM

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I lost a pair of swim fins at the the gym, and I'm out 20 bucks! Should I call the cops?

Jesus.

I like his followup post in which he backpedals a bit: Why are you guys making fun of me? I KNOW the police won't find my stolen fins! I'm just concerned about my moral and ethical responsibility to report a crime!

Dude didn't even bother going to the gym management to see if someone turned them in, either.

Someone · #**452** 14th January 2016, 08:08 PM

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This thread showcases how negative and annoying the Durp can be.

Poster delightedly says "Hey! I invented a recipe I really enjoyed. Let me share it!" and just about every poster says "Except for these things (list) that are different from an Egg McMuffin, it's just EXACTLY like an Egg McMuffin (except for the differences)" because they're sour douches.

And also, it devolves into the standard moron Brit durpers who refuse to understand the difference between a muffin, an english muffin and so on.

That thread made me furious. I might be furious at YOU, Fenris, for making me read it. I want to throw crumpets & English muffins at you. Now no one has a place to put their eggs and parmesan and bacon!

Someone · #**453** 15th January 2016, 03:28 AM

Why do hyoo-mons bathe? [January 2016 join date.]

Predictably, Shagnasty weighs in.

Someone · #**454** 15th January 2016, 04:35 AM

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Why do hyoo-mons bathe? [January 2016 join date.]

Predictably, Shagnasty weighs in.

Yep, his ~~shit~~ pits don't stink.

And of course GRRRSHAKES! has to remind us all that 1) he has a girlfriend and 2) they fuck like bunnies in a Viagra trial.

Someone · #**455** 15th January 2016, 04:39 AM

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Hey, his Victorious Nudity boards are still up.

Most recent post: Oct 2012

Damn, that's one active board!

Someone · #**456** 15th January 2016, 04:47 AM

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Originally Posted by Someone

This thread showcases how negative and annoying the Durp can be.

Poster delightedly says "Hey! I invented a recipe I really enjoyed. Let me share it!" and just about every poster says "Except for these things (list) that are different from an Egg McMuffin, it's just EXACTLY like an Egg McMuffin (except for the differences)" because they're sour douches.

And also, it devolves into the standard moron Brit durpers who refuse to understand the difference between a muffin, an english muffin and so on.

ANd you just know that if some poor schlub posted something along the lines of "Wow, I just had my first Egg McMuffin this morning and it was awesome!" you know there'd be

after

about how you can make better ones yourself at home without having to, like, drive somewhere and interact with hyoo-mon food-giver-slaves.

I tried Quartz's combo this morning and it's quite good, except I'm a rebel so I used Portugese muffins.

Someone · #**457** 15th January 2016, 05:32 AM

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Originally Posted by Someone

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Originally Posted by Someone

This thread showcases how negative and annoying the Durp can be.

Poster delightedly says "Hey! I invented a recipe I really enjoyed. Let me share it!" and just about every poster says "Except for these things (list) that are different from an Egg McMuffin, it's just EXACTLY like an Egg McMuffin (except for the differences)" because they're sour douches.

And also, it devolves into the standard moron Brit durpers who refuse to understand the difference between a muffin, an english muffin and so on.

ANd you just know that if some poor schlub posted something along the lines of "Wow, I just had my first Egg McMuffin this morning and it was awesome!" you know there'd be

after

about how you can make better ones yourself at home without having to, like, drive somewhere and interact with hyoo-mon food-giver-slaves.

I tried Quartz's combo this morning and it's quite good, except I'm a rebel so I used Portugese muffins.

< Willfully soopid Brit/Non-American Durper >
By "Portuguese Muffins", you clearly mean chocolate filled croissants..why do U stupid Murkins have different names for teh foods?

Someone · #**458** 15th January 2016, 05:53 AM

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Originally Posted by Someone

Now no one has a place to put their eggs and parmesan and bacon!

:: helpful ::
You could use a slice of that fruitcake you got for Christmas.

Someone · #**459** 15th January 2016, 05:58 AM

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Originally Posted by Someone

Why do hyoo-mons bathe? [January 2016 join date.]

Predictably, Shagnasty weighs in.

Foreigners smell funny:

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...php?p=19018529

Someone · #**460** 15th January 2016, 05:59 AM

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Now no one has a place to put their eggs and parmesan and bacon!

:: helpful ::
You could use a slice of that fruitcake you got for Christmas.

Fruitcake and cheese is bloody delicious. Wensleydale is best.

Someone · #**461** 15th January 2016, 06:09 AM

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Now no one has a place to put their eggs and parmesan and bacon!

:: helpful ::
You could use a slice of that fruitcake you got for Christmas.

And by "fruitcake" you mean "a slice of whole-wheat toast with jam on it", right? Because they're exactly the same. Amirite?

Someone · #**462** 15th January 2016, 06:18 AM

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Originally Posted by Someone

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:: helpful ::
You could use a slice of that fruitcake you got for Christmas.

And by "fruitcake" you mean "a slice of whole-wheat toast with jam on it", right? Because they're exactly the same. Amirite?

No, you dumb Murrican, it's that allegedly strawberry-flavored boxed cake mix that really just tastes pink, which you slather with matching pink-flavored frosting, with a maraschino cherry on top.

Someone · #**463** 15th January 2016, 06:32 AM

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And by "fruitcake" you mean "a slice of whole-wheat toast with jam on it", right? Because they're exactly the same. Amirite?

No, you dumb Murrican, it's that allegedly strawberry-flavored boxed cake mix that really just tastes pink, which you slather with matching pink-flavored frosting, with a maraschino cherry on top.

That's a scone, no?

Someone · #**464** 15th January 2016, 06:42 AM

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:: helpful ::
You could use a slice of that fruitcake you got for Christmas.

Fruitcake and cheese is bloody delicious. Wensleydale is best.

Furriner detected.

Someone · #**465** 15th January 2016, 06:46 AM

Eek!

Someone · #**466** 15th January 2016, 06:50 AM

Umm... nein, nein, hier ist meine Papieren und Reisepass.

Someone · #**467** 15th January 2016, 06:59 AM

I miss you guys.

Someone · #**468** 15th January 2016, 07:24 AM

Welcome back. I see it only took 63 snark threads to lure you back in

Someone · #**469** 15th January 2016, 08:23 AM

Plumpudding has been suspended. No ATMB announcement, but his most recent posts have been truly bizarre.

Someone · #**470** 15th January 2016, 08:35 AM

Frylock seriously asks the following question:

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Have I performed a misfired impression of Hyoo-Munn Hyoo-Morr some how?

Someone · #**471** 15th January 2016, 08:40 AM

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Plumpudding has been suspended. No ATMB announcement, but his most recent posts have been truly bizarre.

0.51 posts a day, then 20 posts in around 6 hours all bizarre. Good call mods.

Someone · #**472** 15th January 2016, 09:06 AM

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Plumpudding has been suspended. No ATMB announcement, but his most recent posts have been truly bizarre.

0.51 posts a day, then 20 posts in around 6 hours all bizarre. Good call mods.

I AM DURP ON SUSPENSION BECAUSE OF POSTS! Is Idle Thoughts moderating thoughtforums?

#idolthinking #megaposts etc. ttttttttttthread!!

Someone · #**473** 15th January 2016, 09:17 AM

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Plumpudding has been suspended. No ATMB announcement, but his most recent posts have been truly bizarre.

0.51 posts a day, then 20 posts in around 6 hours all bizarre. Good call mods.

It looks like Jaledin guessed his password right.

Someone · #**474** 15th January 2016, 09:30 AM

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:: helpful ::
You could use a slice of that fruitcake you got for Christmas.

And by "fruitcake" you mean "a slice of whole-wheat toast with jam on it", right? Because they're exactly the same. Amirite?

And don't forget Spud being a reductionist.

"Bun, meat, cheese, condiments."

Why not just say bread instead of bun, then he can include beef pizza, calzones, lunchmeat sandwiches, and all other sorts of meals in the mix.

Someone · #**475** 15th January 2016, 09:50 AM

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Plumpudding has been suspended. No ATMB announcement, but his most recent posts have been truly bizarre.

0.51 posts a day, then 20 posts in around 6 hours all bizarre. Good call mods.

And twelve of those posts in 20 minutes most in different threads. Idle Thoughts did say this though.

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I'm closing this thread pending discussion with the other mods about what the situation is with this poster.

Idle also said this as he closed another thread Plumpudding started.

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OP has appeared to go off the rails. He's also suspended for the time being because of this as the mods discuss it.

Someone · #**476** 15th January 2016, 10:08 AM

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0.51 posts a day, then 20 posts in around 6 hours all bizarre. Good call mods.

It looks like Jaledin guessed his password right.

This link https://pad.riseup.net/p/hANDjeb2016BERNIE2016 was in one of his wonky-ass posts. I'm sure as hell not going to try to open it now, but a quick googulation of Riseup says that "Riseup provides online communication tools for people and groups working on liberatory social change. We are a project to create democratic alternatives and practice self-determination by controlling our own secure means of communications" which in my mind translates to "we like to stir shit up and dress it up in a pompous word salad."

Someone · #**477** 15th January 2016, 11:35 AM

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I almost missed this:

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There should really be an omnibus "Shut up, BigTard" pit thread that's nothing but links to his lecture posts followed by "Shut up, BigTard." (And of course a bunch of durps who don't see the point of such a thread, who think it's mean, etc.)

Anyone who wants to is welcome to start one, copying my 'Lecture Series' from this thread, here at the GB. No need to give me credit, just do it so you don't violate the Durp's 'No Board Wars' rule.

And I see someone has taken me up on the offer!

Someone · #**478** 15th January 2016, 12:24 PM

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It looks like Jaledin guessed his password right.

This link https://pad.riseup.net/p/hANDjeb2016BERNIE2016 was in one of his wonky-ass posts. I'm sure as hell not going to try to open it now, but a quick googulation of Riseup says that "Riseup provides online communication tools for people and groups working on liberatory social change. We are a project to create democratic alternatives and practice self-determination by controlling our own secure means of communications" which in my mind translates to "we like to stir shit up and dress it up in a pompous word salad."

I went there. It's a horribly eyekilling website, but from what little I could stand to read, it seems to be the same sort of fruitcakery he got suspended for.

Someone · #**479** 15th January 2016, 01:01 PM

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Originally Posted by Someone

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I almost missed this:

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There should really be an omnibus "Shut up, BigTard" pit thread that's nothing but links to his lecture posts followed by "Shut up, BigTard." (And of course a bunch of durps who don't see the point of such a thread, who think it's mean, etc.)

Anyone who wants to is welcome to start one, copying my 'Lecture Series' from this thread, here at the GB. No need to give me credit, just do it so you don't violate the Durp's 'No Board Wars' rule.

And I see someone has taken me up on the offer!

And Rat_Diva's prediction is borne out! Here's her

award! Rat_Diva, I love you and want to marry you. Are you available?

Someone · #**480** 15th January 2016, 02:25 PM

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I almost missed this:

Anyone who wants to is welcome to start one, copying my 'Lecture Series' from this thread, here at the GB. No need to give me credit, just do it so you don't violate the Durp's 'No Board Wars' rule.

And I see someone has taken me up on the offer!

And in a somewhat related thread:

Is it offensive to call someone a "tard" or a "retard"?

Someone · #**481** 15th January 2016, 03:09 PM

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Originally Posted by Someone

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I almost missed this:

Anyone who wants to is welcome to start one, copying my 'Lecture Series' from this thread, here at the GB. No need to give me credit, just do it so you don't violate the Durp's 'No Board Wars' rule.

And I see someone has taken me up on the offer!

~~Aaaaaaand Do Not Taunt chimes in with a link to the BigTard lecture series here on the Gweeb. That retarded tard is gonna get the thread shut down just when it was getting good~~

edit: nevermind, Miller just deleted the link

expectopatronum's very own smiley that shows her inner self

PS to Booze: I'm flattered, but I can only accept marriage proposals on the third Wenesday of an even-numbered month. It's in my contract.

Someone · #**482** 15th January 2016, 03:55 PM

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PS to Booze: I'm flattered, but I can only accept marriage proposals on the third Wenesday of an even-numbered month. It's in my contract.

I can work with that. Can I schedule you for discussing this next month? Over lunch, of course, and I'll pay.

Someone · #**483** 15th January 2016, 04:01 PM

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Originally Posted by Someone

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This link https://pad.riseup.net/p/hANDjeb2016BERNIE2016 was in one of his wonky-ass posts. I'm sure as hell not going to try to open it now, but a quick googulation of Riseup says that "Riseup provides online communication tools for people and groups working on liberatory social change. We are a project to create democratic alternatives and practice self-determination by controlling our own secure means of communications" which in my mind translates to "we like to stir shit up and dress it up in a pompous word salad."

I went there. It's a horribly eyekilling website, but from what little I could stand to read, it seems to be the same sort of fruitcakery he got suspended for.

His earlier posts seem normal, so it looks almost like a psychotic breakdown or something.

Someone · #**484** 15th January 2016, 04:38 PM

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And I see someone has taken me up on the offer!

~~Aaaaaaand Do Not Taunt chimes in with a link to the BigTard lecture series here on the Gweeb. That retarded tard is gonna get the thread shut down just when it was getting good~~

edit: nevermind, Miller just deleted the link

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...1&postcount=51

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Ok, apologies for linking there. That said, you're cool with the OP ripping the post off - virtually word for word - from another board? Without crediting it at all?

I was tempted to reply, "The guy who came up with the idea isn't looking for any credit, but I do think he'd appreciate some booze for his trouble."

Someone · #**485** 15th January 2016, 07:53 PM

Brickbacon: "I don't understand why Steve Jobs was played by a white guy?"

Someone · #**486** 15th January 2016, 09:06 PM

Aaaand BigTard responds.

Someone · #**487** 15th January 2016, 09:07 PM

And he has a secret identity here....

Someone · #**488** 15th January 2016, 09:31 PM

Apparently calling BigTard BigTard is 'almost like' calling a black person the N-word...OK BigTurd

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...php?p=19021034

Is it offensive to call someone a "tard" or a "retard"?

Last time this came up, I joked about having a vested interest in this. But, for some reason, I'm in less of a joking mood this time. It may be even the same reason the OP thought to start to this thr......

Someone · #**489** 15th January 2016, 10:34 PM

dougie_monty is using his stove to heat his trailor.

Someone · #**490** 15th January 2016, 10:48 PM

Thats just crazy. 1)How much heat can it give off? 2)Its never that cold here. Maybe he is looking for a Hitchcockian scheme to off Mom and grab her inheritance.

Someone · #**491** 15th January 2016, 11:19 PM

It's too bad this snark thread can't be permanently named Catch 22, because it seems like, whenever someone is particularly snarkable, someone sends them over here, they read about themselves, and then they STOP POSTING FOREVER. Or modulate their snarkability. And then, no more snark.

Like...well, unlike everybody else in here I am not going to name names.

Who will be the next disappearing snarkable poster?

Dammit, on preview these two emojis synced so perfectly that it looked like the head was bouncing from the drum set to the toilet. But now they don't

Someone · #**492** 16th January 2016, 03:09 AM

Blecch, I wish I never suggested the "shut up, BigTard" thread. I'm not used to being paid attention to.

Someone · #**493** 16th January 2016, 04:50 AM

I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.

Someone · #**494** 16th January 2016, 05:04 AM

Wait, BigT isn't going to disappear? How... what would he do?

Someone · #**495** 16th January 2016, 05:19 AM

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...5#post19021475

A 100% REAL prostitute is going to answer all the Durpers' questions. Any simularity between the answers given and that you might guess from watching Secret Diary of a Call Girl just speaks to the quality and accuracy of the show.

Someone · #**496** 16th January 2016, 09:27 AM

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Originally Posted by Someone

Is it offensive to call someone a "tard" or a "retard"?

Yes.

Someone · #**497** 16th January 2016, 09:34 AM

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Originally Posted by Someone

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...5#post19021475

A 100% REAL prostitute is going to answer all the Durpers' questions. Any simularity between the answers given and that you might guess from watching Secret Diary of a Call Girl just speaks to the quality and accuracy of the show.

It's a trap!

Someone · #**498** 16th January 2016, 11:24 AM

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Originally Posted by Someone

It's too bad this snark thread can't be permanently named Catch 22, because it seems like, whenever someone is particularly snarkable, someone sends them over here, they read about themselves, and then they STOP POSTING FOREVER. Or modulate their snarkability. And then, no more snark.

Like...well, unlike everybody else in here I am not going to name names.

Who will be the next disappearing snarkable poster?

Dammit, on preview these two emojis synced so perfectly that it looked like the head was bouncing from the drum set to the toilet. But now they don't

Eh, I don't post as much at the Dope/Durp as I used to, though not because of the GiraffeBoard. It's mostly because I have less time to spend on message boards these days, and also getting kind of tired of some of the stupid shit going on there.

Someone · #**499** 16th January 2016, 11:35 AM

I'll never understand what arbitrary rules the dope uses to decide whether or not someone is a troll.
A few weeks ago someone signed up and started a thread about using hookers. A few joke posts from the regulars and the thread is locked.

Today someone signed up to start a thread about being a hooker and they're taking it totally seriously. Let's see if this one get's locked. Since "she's" still currently working, this thread should get locked for the same reason as the other one.

WAG is that it won't because the unwashed masses have decided that this person isn't a troll.

C'mon people, new user starts a thread about sex, it's a troll, umkay.

Someone · #**500** 16th January 2016, 11:38 AM

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Originally Posted by Someone

I'll never understand what arbitrary rules the dope uses to decide whether or not someone is a troll.
A few weeks ago someone signed up and started a thread about using hookers. A few joke posts from the regulars and the thread is locked.

Today someone signed up to start a thread about being a hooker and they're taking it totally seriously. Let's see if this one get's locked. Since "she's" still currently working, this thread should get locked for the same reason as the other one.

WAG is that it won't because the unwashed masses have decided that this person isn't a troll.

C'mon people, new user starts a thread about sex, it's a troll, umkay.

No...I think Umkay was a fake amputee or quadripliegic, not a fake hooker