Snark FM 105: the Durp

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

It's not that daft an idea - email newsletters having been having a resurgence over the last two-three years, and they're only getting more popular. The NY Time Daily, The Skimm (which gets bagged a lot because of its tone, but it's still hugely popular), Quartz's Daily Brief - these and other newsletters are actually booming at the moment. I work for an Australian news/media organisation and we have the same experience - they're very popular.

New members? All they have to do is spam 5 million non-member mail boxes and certainly some of those recipients will see the value in a decades old message board struggling to stay afloat. There will be waves of new members. Then the mods and the crybabies will surely keep the entertained. So maybe they need to market it as a comedy board.

[Someone]

Um, wow.

@Guinastasia, you have a white knight in your Jim's Son Pit thread.

Originally Posted by Someone

I guess there can be some amusement in seeing conservative assfucks who can't come up with a counterargument popping in to hypocritically attack the OP for the very thing they are currently trying to do, but it has jack shit to do with this thread. It's just a distraction because you can't argue that Guin is wrong.

And, yes, I'm being condescending as fuck. So are you shitheads. Go fuck yourselves, you colossal twats. We know you're here to defend a fellow conservative. You're just not actually any good at it.

https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...php?p=21139781

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Huey Trollman... err... Freeman serves up some fine trolling. Here's his White-People-Rating scale!

God, I love that crazy little guy!

[Someone]

And Scrotumpump slaps Guin.

Maybe, just maybe, after a decade or so of watching you do your toxic yinzer cunt thing, I just don't like you. What? You thought that being the pile-on queen and a gossip/shit-stirrer across several boards was the path to being universally beloved?

Notice the GB reference in his post? Scrotumpump, your head is full of vaginal yogurt.

https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...2&postcount=14

[Someone]

Oh Scumpup, he never disappoints. I wonder if he remembers the time he sent me a PM inviting me to meet him (and his wife, mind you) for lunch a few years ago. I can't remember if I answered him or not.

I know it's probably pointless to ask, but can anyone figure out WTF Kanicbird is saying here? Is he talking about a membership, or a custom title, or what?

Originally Posted by Someone

Linky, please?

Too many threads to count. "Handstabbers" was his name for people who were hostile to religion.

[Someone]

I think it's like a gold star for someone that you really like. You buy it and it's shows next to their user name.

[Someone]

Anti-snark: I don't know where to post this, but I'm so glad Tuba figured out a way to give gift memberships. She's already a thousand-times better admin than I ever saw Zotti be.

https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...d.php?t=860221

ETA: Oh, Smartie, my username change should be forthcoming.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Too many threads to count. "Handstabbers" was his name for people who were hostile to religion.

Based on an anecdote he apparently completely made up. According to him, famous atheist Madalyn Murray O'Hair once stabbed some guy in the hand with a pen because he said "God bless you" to her. There is no reference to the incident anywhere but in Lib's SDMB posts (and those of posters who got it from him).

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I think I could google that, but I'd also like a link to the source of his "intelligent squid" libertarian hypothetical which I've heard lots of times as a source of butthurt on the part of several parties but could never find the dope origins of.

He mentions giant sentient squid here:

https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...ad.php?t=70756

and here https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...ht=giant+squid

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

New members? All they have to do is spam 5 million non-member mail boxes and certainly some of those recipients will see the value in a decades old message board struggling to stay afloat. There will be waves of new members. Then the mods and the crybabies will surely keep the entertained. So maybe they need to market it as a comedy board.

Yup. Lots of our new subscribers come because George, who subscribed a while back, forwards this week's edition on to his three mates John, Paul and Stuart because there's something in there he thinks they'll be interested in or find funny or whatever. Personal recommendations like a forwarded email count a hell of a lot more in getting new subs than advertising or spam from a rando. The Dope has members ready to do the forwarding.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

name TV characters who are good cooks but who do not do it for a job

https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...60&postcount=9

SpongeBob is an employed crabby patty cook.



idk it's not even worth getting mad about but people just don't read the topic concept?

Ugh! It's a Skald thread. I feel icky now.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

ETA: Oh, Smartie, my username change should be forthcoming.

Yassssss queen!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

name TV characters who are good cooks but who do not do it for a job

https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...60&postcount=9

SpongeBob is an employed crabby patty cook.



idk it's not even worth getting mad about but people just don't read the topic concept?

Hey, shut up. That was my favorite joke ever. I also named Nero Wolfe before any of the other jerks thought of it. I read but I also watch cartoons. Anyway Mr. Krabs prolly don't pay SBSP.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Yassssss queen!

I just got word it was already taken! I don't have a plan B.

[Someone]

Helena Bucket?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I know it's probably pointless to ask, but can anyone figure out WTF Kanicbird is saying here? Is he talking about a membership, or a custom title, or what?

I was pretty sure he's talking about buying memberships (or some amount of membership time) for people, like you would buy them a beer, but the more I read it the more confused I get.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

And Scrotumpump slaps Guin.

Maybe, just maybe, after a decade or so of watching you do your toxic yinzer cunt thing, I just don't like you.

Yeah but Scrotepup hates everybody, so it doesn't count.

[Someone]

Yeah... but he's not wrong though. I mean, I like Guin, but "pile-on queen" and "shit-stirrer across several boards" is actually pretty accurate. Not that there's anything wrong with that...

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Hey, shut up. That was my favorite joke ever. I also named Nero Wolfe before any of the other jerks thought of it. I read but I also watch cartoons. Anyway Mr. Krabs prolly don't pay SBSP.

Yeah, and don't forget, SpongeBob has a pretty hard job. He has to cook underwater.

[Someone]

I'm surprised jtur88 hasn't popped into this thread yet:

Originally Posted by Someone

Where is the dirtiest place you’ve dropped food, then eaten it anyway?

Share your five second rule stories here!

https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...d.php?t=859996

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Yeah but Scrotepup hates everybody, so it doesn't count.

Scrotepup hates stoners. In response I've mobilized western PA stoners and we're gonna do something.

HelenaHandbasket?

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Yeah... but he's not wrong though. I mean, I like Guin, but "pile-on queen" and "shit-stirrer across several boards" is actually pretty accurate. Not that there's anything wrong with that...

So our own SteelTown Maiden gets savagely attacked by an embittered disabled rights activist, eh?

A pathetic, self-pitying emotional cripple harassed by a classic cripple, hurp de durp de doo.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Yeah but Scrotepup hates everybody, so it doesn't count.

I remember when Scrotes came over here and thought his opinion would matter. I think we sent him back to Derpville about 2 inches shorter, but a whole lot smarter. Far as I can tell, he hasn't come back.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I just got word it was already taken! I don't have a plan B.

Helena Handtruck!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I remember when Scrotes came over here and thought his opinion would matter. I think we sent him back to Derpville about 2 inches shorter, but a whole lot smarter. Far as I can tell, he hasn't come back.

Last activity 3 days ago, so he's still reading here sometimes.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Last activity 3 days ago, so he's still reading here sometimes.

Scumpup has not made any friends yet

Well, Duh.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Anti-snark: I don't know where to post this, but I'm so glad Tuba figured out a way to give gift memberships. She's already a thousand-times better admin than I ever saw Zotti be.

https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...d.php?t=860221

The very definition of "damning with faint praise." A brain-dead gibbon would be a better Admin than Ed.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

So our own SteelTown Maiden gets savagely attacked by an embittered disabled rights activist, eh?

A pathetic, self-pitying emotional cripple harassed by a classic cripple, hurp de durp de doo.

Hey, I may be pathetic and emotional, but "self-pitying" I am not.

(Bus Ticket Nonny, is that you?)

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Yeah, and don't forget, SpongeBob has a pretty hard job. He has to cook underwater.

And he has to worry about the 'hash-slinging slasher'

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Scrotepup hates stoners. In response I've mobilized western PA stoners and we're gonna do something.

HelenaHandbasket?

What are you going to do? Pass the doobiage around and mumble about your fantasies? PM me, dood. We don't live far apart. I'll bring some of the butter and tincture I have left from caring for my uncle and my friend.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

I remember when Scrotes came over here and thought his opinion would matter. I think we sent him back to Derpville about 2 inches shorter, but a whole lot smarter. Far as I can tell, he hasn't come back.

Well, yes, I did come over here. Have, in fact, many times since this place started. I not only never thought my opinion would matter, I never thought any of yours did. See, here's a key: You keep thinking in terms of "we" like the discussions of a coterie of aging internet douchebags carry some weight. You aren't Anonymous. Hell, you aren't even anonymous. It isn't 1995 anymore, bloodclot.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Well, yes, I did come over here. Have, in fact, many times since this place started. I not only never thought my opinion would matter, I never thought any of yours did. See, here's a key: You keep thinking in terms of "we" like the discussions of a coterie of aging internet douchebags carry some weight. You aren't Anonymous. Hell, you aren't even anonymous. It isn't 1995 anymore, bloodclot.

Huh? Nobody thinks this place is anonymous, dipshit. Lemme guess: you ran across the "anonymous" skin in BYB?

[Someone]

Don't feel special, Scrots, we point and laugh at most the tards over there. It was just that we found you out-tading the other tards with the your last post. So naturally, we pointed and laughed at you.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

aging internet douchebags...

Hey! I'm not aging.

I'm aged.

[Someone]

Fallon Carrington is alive!


Back to snark...

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Don't feel special, Scrots, we point and laugh at most the tards over there. It was just that we found you out-tading the other tards with the your last post. So naturally, we pointed and laughed at you.

Yeah, but he's got people sending him PMs telling him how much they hate me! I don't know what to do, guys! I'm just devastated!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Hey, I may be pathetic and emotional, but "self-pitying" I am not.

(Bus Ticket Nonny, is that you?)

I'm pretty sure it's Gay-Obsessed Nonny, who may or may not be the same nonny as Bus Ticket Nonny. I was never sure if G-ON was Misanthropic Contrarian playing a character or not. I give it 50-50.

Also, no idea where he gets that cripple stuff. I'm not disabled and I don't think I've ever said anything about disabled rights.


ETA: Yeah, I know GTNIAGFR.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Yeah, but he's got people sending him PMs telling him how much they hate me!

The Ultimate Internet Argument: The Lurkers support me in Peems! I WIN!!!!

I'm convinced!

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

So our own SteelTown Maiden gets savagely attacked by an embittered disabled rights activist, eh?

A pathetic, self-pitying emotional cripple harassed by a classic cripple, hurp de durp de doo.

Originally Posted by Someone

I'm pretty sure it's Gay-Obsessed Nonny, who may or may not be the same nonny as Bus Ticket Nonny. I was never sure if G-ON was Misanthropic Contrarian playing a character or not. I give it 50-50.

Also, no idea where he gets that cripple stuff. I'm not disabled and I don't think I've ever said anything about disabled rights.


ETA: Yeah, I know GTNIAGFR.

I'm pretty sure Tersian Pallman is referring to Ambivalid, who's dropped into the thread to do some drive-by dumping of his own.

Speaking of ol' Jamie, he's having a meltdown over being "doxxed".

Originally Posted by Someone

Ok, i find this not cool. Seriously, i changed my fucking username for a fucking reason. I used my real name when i joined because my whole reason for joining was to have a discussion about an incident that happened involving me that was the subject of an online article which is what my op primarily consisted of. I found it pointless to use a different username when my real name was all over the article which was central to my op. It wasnt until i decided to stay and become a more long term member did i decide to change to a pseudonym. I feel like it is incredibly disrespectful for you to use my real name when its clear that i dont want to be identified so effortlessly. Sure, if someone searches it out they can find it but that isnt at all like some asshole taking it upon himself to broadcast my real identity publicly knowing i don't wish it to be known. Fuck you asshole.

https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...0&postcount=98

[Someone]

Agh. Tard Fighting.

BORING.

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Speaking of ol' Jamie, he's having a meltdown over being "doxxed".

https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...0&postcount=98

That's hilarious, for someone who not only registered with his real name, but has linked to numerous photos of himself.

[Someone]

To be fair, that was before he realized it was a terrible idea.

[Someone]

Isn't he doing online porn now?

[Someone]

The backstory.

https://www.giraffeboards.com/showthread.php?t=22648

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

That's hilarious, for someone who not only registered with his real name, but has linked to numerous photos of himself.

Jamie is a piece of work, no doubt, (he deliberately, defiantly soiled himself in a restaurant upon finding out that it's handicapped restroom wasn't up to his lofty standards, then proudly crowed about it to the Smartest, Hippest) and I think it's time to back off snarking on pore ole Miz Guinnie, as mocking her brings the same empty, unhallowed thrill that a kleptomaniac must get from shoplifting from a charity bake sale benefitting blind, retarded, orphaned toddlers, but that thread has summoned kambuckta, who is one of the most embittered, shrill and venomous posters on the Durp, even though she seems to mostly fly beneath the radar.

Kam, if you will recall, once started a thread about how she and her ex "Bloke" (a real charmer, I imagine) got into a savage, frenzied domestic dispute about a broken-down washing machine that he brazenly took from off of her back porch, whereupon the Australian FBI "Special Victims" unit was called to crack the case, then a month later she started a thread asking for legal advice on how to disinherit a daughter from her "estate" (presumeably consisting of a rusting, dilapidated washing machine, a souvenir ashtray from Sydney Opera House and an old shoebox half filled with Camel Cash) as the daughter in question told her Mum that she wasn't coming around anymore due to the rampant squalor and disfunction, which offended Kam's delicate sensibilities.

This daughter was ther only one of Kam's brood to NOT have multiple children out of wedlock (naturally all to be supported by the Australian taxpayer) so when she told her White Trash Mum that she wasn't keen to follow the family path, Kam's righteous fury was hotter than Ayer's Rock on Boxing Day.

[Someone]

https://www.mlive.com/news/flint/ind...nts_man_i.html

Just sayin’...

PS Not doxxing because here: https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...d.php?t=613579

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

Jamie is a piece of work, .

whatever slimeball

[Someone]

Originally Posted by Someone

https://www.mlive.com/news/flint/ind...nts_man_i.html

Just sayin’...

PS Not doxxing because here: https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb...d.php?t=613579

In the linked article "...paralized during surgery..."

Strangely it doesen't mention that fact that the reason he "needed" surgery was because he gleefully went out and got blackout, beddwetting drunk, then macked down a fistfull of assorted illegal drugs and then got behind the wheel of his car, screaming down the interstate at top speed with Milli Vanilli's "Girl You Know It's True" a' blasting out of his Tandy stereo and subsequently wrapped his bitchin' sweet ride around a tree, narrowly missing a schoolbus filled with nuns, puppies and blind orphans.

[Someone]

Naturally, upon waking up in the hospital to find out that his own selfish, reckless actions had consigned him to a wheelchair for the rest of his days, his immediate reaction was to sue the surgeon who saved his life.

[Someone]

This is getting pretty gross.